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'The Fosters' recap: Self-portrait at a street fair

Season 2 | Episode 9 | “Leaky Faucets” | Aired Aug 11, 2014

After our little side excursion to Girls United last week (fingers crossed that we get some type of conclusion to that storyline), we’re back in full swing with The Fosters clan. “Leaky Faucets” finds the majority of the Foster siblings at a Mexican street fair, which was seemingly the only thing going on in town that day. The two Foster gals and their men took center stage tonight, chowing down on churros and confronting some major demons.

You know what that means: Time for a couples check-in!

Callie and Wyatt: Callie has an eye-opening therapy session in which it’s suggested to her that maybe her panic attacks aren’t tied to her rape per se, but to her lack of trust in her instincts; she trusted Liam before and he hurt her, who’s to say Wyatt won’t do the same? But Callie does trust Wyatt. (I mean, who wouldn’t? That kid’s basically a golden retriever, in that he’s loyal and protective and has flowing golden locks.) And so she invites him to the street fair, and the two commence to have a flirty little food-eating contest.


Honest sidebar: Callie is having my dream date. It is equal parts gluttonous and cute, which is pretty much the only kind of ratio I want to be dealing with when I go out. Wyatt is bringing her meatballs on a stick! Why she didn’t just hump him then and there, I’ll never know. Well, I mean, I do know, because panic attacks and all, but still. Callie, you grab that gorgeous head of hair and you hold on. You hold on for dear life!

Whilst scarfing down meatballs and tamales and the like, it seems as though dear #Wyllie is getting back to some sort of normalcy. Callie even fills in Wyatt on her trust issues, and Wyatt promises he’s there for her. He also calls her “Baby” at one point, and my brain explodes. Anyway, all of this is too good to be true because, come on, this is Callie we’re talking about.

Guess who is also a fan of street meat and Frida Kahlo rip-offs? Why, Liam, of course! Wyatt spots him and grabs Brandon for backup. B would rather just get Callie out of there, but Wyatt feels the need to defend his lady’s honor. In the end, the three boys have to be pulled apart by the cops and Liam takes off. Grab a tamale for the road, kid!

Callie watches the whole thing go down and is furious at Wyatt for fighting Liam (again). Though Wyatt has good intentions, Callie doesn’t need or want that kind of protection; what she needs is Wyatt by her side to help her with her anxiety, but he can’t do that if he’s too busy teaching lessons with his fists. Things are not looking good for our wavy-haired lovers.

Mariana and Mat: Mat surprises Mariana for their second date by taking her to, you guessed it, the street fair. When they arrive, Mariana seems less than enthused. Mat attempts to keep things lively, but Mariana is immediately on the defense regarding his intentions of bringing her, specifically, to a Mexican street fair. Mat swears he has no ulterior motives, but Mariana can’t help feeling ambushed.

All this time, we’ve been dealing with Mariana’s identity issue as merely a superficial problem—she wants to fit in with the popular girls and that means dying her hair blond, etc. To have Mariana’s issues with her race be so one-note would be a disservice to the character and the discussion of race on the show. Thankfully, there’s always been a hint of deeper layers, some real reason why Mariana is uncomfortable with being Latina. Tonight we got to see that finally play out when Mariana runs into that real reason: her birth mother.

Ana and Mike, taking a break from their one-on-one AA meeting, also show up at the fair and bump into Mariana. Ana wants to make amends, but Mariana wants no parts of it. Ana has lied over and over again; how can Mariana ever trust anything she says?

Mat wants to know what’s going on, and Mariana finally reveals that the reason she separates herself from her Mexican background is because her only connection to being Mexican is through Ana, a woman she hates, a woman who makes Mariana hate part of herself. Super-cute Mat goes on to give Mariana some super-cute advice about letting her mom tell her she’s sorry, because if he had the chance to hear his dad apologize for leaving, he’d take it. He also buys her a flower and they dance, and I don’t even know what my heart wants anymore.


Another honest sidebar: Is Mat the new and improved Wyatt? He has both long hair and wears scarves. Maybe I need to call Callie’s therapist and set up an appointment; she seemed calming and wise.

Mariana gets home and tells Stef she’s had a change of heart: She wants to see Ana.

In other family news:

  • Lou lays on the flirting pretty thick. B tries to ignore it with some pretty half-baked tactics, like shoving a burrito in his mouth. Little does he know that to some girls (e.g., me), this is a turn-on. In the end he gives Lou the old “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but she takes it in stride. I’m still holding out hope.
  • Jesus tries to prove to Hayley that she is more than just a good lay, and ends up secretly getting her name tattooed on his side. Jesus, you are infuriating.
  • Stef is home alone and hilariously tries to fix a leaky pipe in the bathroom (seriously, can we see that home video she made for Lena?), which leads to her finally confronting her grief over the baby they lost.
  • Strong, tough Callie gets some adorable cuddle time with Stef, who just learned that there’s value in allowing yourself to break down sometimes, and imparts that wisdom to Callie. Can we all have a group cuddle soon? I’ll send out the Evite.

Well, my dear Foster fans, we’ve got one more episode left this summer and lots of ground to cover. Will B let his siblings in on what really went down with Dani? How will the twins react to a clean and sober Ana? Will Callie finally get adopted or will the Quinns stand in her way? Do we think Mat could lend Wyatt some scarves?

The Fosters, rated TV-14, airs Mondays at 9/8C on ABC Family.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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