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'General Hospital' recap: Good luck with your corpses

Season 51 | Episodes 87-91 | Aired Aug 4-8, 2014

It’s never been outside the realm of soap opera reason for characters to return from the dead. In fact, unless the actor passes away, it’s almost a given that any deceased person in Port Charles stands a fairly large chance of having not passed through the pearly gates.

When we last saw Jason Morgan, he’d been shot by Faison (who was impersonating Duke at the time) and pushed into the river. No body was recovered, and despite the plethora of undead people in town (not including vampire serial killers), it was accepted that Jason Morgan had moved to the great beyond. This week, we learn for certain that, as The Princess Bride’s Miracle Max would’ve said, Jason was indeed only “mostly dead.”

Although Patrick and Sam arrive at Crichton-Clark Clinic to search for answers regarding Sam’s suspicions about Nina Clay, the story takes a quick switch as Patrick discovers that Robin hasn’t been squirreled away in a lab in Europe or some remote corner of the world. Victor Cassadine has had her working a mere hour from home on his mission to bring back his family members (and Jason) from the brink of death. Patrick is stunned to run into his estranged wife and demands answers. Robin is obviously skittish and tells Patrick that the body in the cryogenic chamber is Stavros Cassadine, because while Jason was there, she couldn’t save him. Hearing that Jason is dead, Patrick is incredulous that Robin stayed away, especially after the car accident and Gabriel’s death. Robin insists that her cryostasis work is important, promising Patrick that she still loves him. But Patrick is done, bitterly telling Robin that at least now he knows where to send the divorce papers. He leaves, telling her goodbye and sarcastically wishing her luck with her “corpses.”

After he leaves, Victor saunters in to make sure Robin is still keeping all of the necessary secrets (secrets like: Jason is indeed still alive in the chamber). And the biggest doozy of all? It seems that Faux-Luke and Ava were just red herrings, as Viktor is the one who challenged Rafe to drive Patrick and Sabrina off the road, sending a message to Robin. And how did Viktor manage this? By baiting the certainly all-dead teen with the possibility that his mother was still alive. Besides Stavros, Helena and Jason, viewers are left to wonder just how many frozen bodies Victor has in his possession.

Sam, despite her super-duper stealth disguise of red glasses as Sabrina Santiago, is busted at the clinic when she tries to hack into Nina’s patient records. The clinic worker isn’t swayed by her monetary bribe offer, instead suggesting she offer up some sexual favors in a janitorial closet. Sam replies with a swift knee to the groin and fast-tracks it out of there with a brooding Patrick in tow. They retire to Ryan’s for a beer, with Patrick not telling her the information he learned from Robin. Since Patrick believes his marriage is over and Jason is truly dead, does this make way for Patrick-Sam coupling?

Back in Port Charles, Alexis makes a beeline for Julian to confront him about Mickey Diamond’s shooting. Recalling that he told her the person who bombed her house had been handled, she flat-out demands to know if Julian shot him. For once, Julian is honest, explaining that anyone who threatens his family has to go. While Alexis is actually understanding of his motives, she is curious why Jordan would take the fall for him. To her credit, she realizes that Julian has not left the organization. Julian continues to profess his love for her, and the two get steamy and busy on the living room floor. Which is great for viewers, but would have been really awkward if Ava had walked out, no? After their sexy time, Alexis ends things, because as long as Julian is in the mob, she’s out of the relationship. On a side note, the mob duality is no issue for Shawn and Jordan, who also get some action going in the art gallery, where (luckily) no customers appear to shop.

Over at GH, Alice’s health is continuing to decline when Sonny decides it is a good time to attempt to make peace with Morgan. After learning that Ava has moved out, Morgan listens to his father while Sonny explains the peripheral details (he was vulnerable due to Ava’s blackmail) but not the pertinent facts (Sonny killed A.J.). It’s always amazing to listen to Sonny’s version of events—he truly believes that he is just Ava’s victim. The father-son recoupling is second only to the other big news: Alice gets Mickey’s heart after all. A quick visit from Mickey’s sister, Selma Diamond (Night Court fans in the house?), and the heart transplant is a go. But things are never as they seem: It turns out that Selma is just an old acquaintance of Sonny pretending to be family, and getting Alice the heart is a silent gesture from Sonny to make his sons happy.

Sonny is not all that happy himself when he spies Olivia laying a big ole smooch on Ned. Ned, while not exactly resisting, is quick to notice that the kiss was just for Sonny’s benefit. With the groundwork facts being laid for a Ned-Olivia pairing, Sonny moves on to his favorite ex-wife. Speaking to Carly outside of the hospital, Sonny laughs at her declaration of love for Franco. He has the audacity to tell Carly that he’s just been allowing her to live with her internal lies … before he shocks her with a kiss of his own. Sonny tells her that what is wrong has always been right for them. Carly storms off in a huff after he mentions the Ned-Olivia embrace—neither realizing that Nina has witnessed their entire encounter.

Nina and Franco continue to be in each other’s orbit, or more precisely, the art therapy studio. Nina has Franco’s number, playing on his jealousy over Sonny and realizing that he was keyed in on the missing Spencer’s whereabouts. Nina is still angling for Silas, but it seems as though these two and their insecure shenanigans have the lasting potential.

Speaking of young Spencer, the lad finally returns home this week. Josslyn isn’t quite the wingwoman Spencer hoped because she blabs the whole story to Cameron, who quickly tells his mother of Spencer’s hideout. While Britt waits in the park to meet up with the young prince and play savior, it’s Elizabeth who storms into Carly’s house and literally drags Spencer out. Nikolas is overjoyed to see his son, yet furious at him for his antics. Britt, although still in Nikolas’ good graces, is miffed that Elizabeth is now being showered with the gratitude she had sought for herself.

The Lucas-Brad-Felix triangle is still a thing, with both men showing up on Lucas’ towel-clad (yet bullet-scar-free) doorstep with declarations of feelings. While Felix comes touting wine and Knot’s Landing DVDs, Brad is still trying to downplay the whole “stole your cousin’s embryo” thing. Lucas joking suggests some “group activities,” but we’re no closer to seeing how this grouping shakes out.

Finally, Maxie’s wedding day is upon us, with everyone in town (and viewers) still thinking Nathan is a better choice than Levi. Even Nathan reveals to Mac that he has feelings for his otherwise betrothed stepdaughter, while Mac insinuates that Levi is just playing on Maxie’s vulnerabilities. Felicia reveals to Maxie and Levi that she traded her Aztec necklace for a paparazzo’s camera at the Nurses’ Ball, and Levi continues to express a staggering interest in the heirloom jewelry. It’s unsurprising when the same photographer later shows up at the PCPD declaring a home invasion with the necklace stolen. Are we finally about to learn Levi’s true intentions?

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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