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'Derek' recap: Hannah's big announcement

Season 2 | Episode 3 | May 7, 2014 (UK Channel 4)

After two episodes of grandma’s conception advice and the occasional sexual encounter in a beaten-down trailer, Hannah finally has some good news. The test came back positive! Unfortunately she never gets a chance to share the news with Tom, as Derek discovers the truth Colombo-style. Finding her “wee stick,” Derek rushes into the day room with the used pregnancy test, thrilled beyond belief. Despite having the moment spoiled by Derek’s enthusiasm, we’re all ecstatic for the new parents-to-be!

While everybody gets a good, close look at the used strip, Geoff breaks the mood by asking Hannah if she’s going to keep the baby. As the room glares at him, Geoff explains he’s only asking because of the stories he’s heard about abortion. After Vicki gives him a quick telling off, he acts like there was nothing for anybody to be annoyed about. Kev may be a sexual deviant, but Geoff is an ass, perfectly happy to make everybody upset for his own amusement.

Derek - S2 - E3 - Celebrate

The next day, Tom’s grandmother, Annie, asks Hannah if she can leave that night. Anthony, Derek’s dad, has asked her out on a date. Derek hears this and is a bit troubled by the idea. As Hannah assures her it’ll be fine, Vicki storms in yelling at someone off-camera. Fresh off a fight with her new boyfriend, Vicki is less than interested in Annie’s romantic prospects. Kev, seeing an opportunity, sleazes up to Vicki and asks her if she has a thing for “bad boys.” Vicki explains the difference between being someone dark, mysterious-style bad and being “lump of garbage” bad. It’s a harsh moment, but Kev takes it in stride. As we know from the season 1 finale, Kev is well aware of who he is and even compliments her on a well framed analogy.

Later in day, Vicki, Derek and Hannah are baking when a shout is heard from the window. Vicki, realizing it’s her boyfriend, leaves to deal with him. After a moment, it’s clear something’s not right. Derek looks out the window and sees Vicki pressed against the caravan with the boy’s hands wrapped around her neck. Hannah, like a culinary superhero, runs out, smacks the boy with a rolling pin and tells him to piss off. We haven’t seen Hannah get physical since the famous head butt of the pilot, so it’s great to see her come to Vicki’s defense.

The Enlightening Hannah/Vicki Moment: After realizing she just attacked a man with a baking tool while wearing an apron, Hannah and Vicki share a laugh. Hannah teases Vicki about her taste in men, and Vicki fires back with how much she likes the “donk” sound a rolling pin makes when you hit somebody with it. It’s a nice moment of friendship between the two. They almost have a mother/daughter relationship.

Derek - S2 - E3 - Hannah Hit

After the fight, Derek asks Vicki to tweet “RT if you like toast” to his followers for him. When Vicki comments to one of the residents about how much Derek loves Twitter, a conversation about old-school courting starts up. Vicki can’t imagine the idea of life without instant access, but the old lady reminds her that it’s not such a bad thing. She tells Vicki to go after the nice ones, as they’ll stay nice even when things go sour. It’s a true statement and a lesson learned for our social media–obsessed teen. Meanwhile, Kev has taken his full-figured lady friend, Janice, to the caravan for some midday lovin’. Kev reminds us he doesn’t mind her slovenly looks because “you don’t stare at the mantle when you’re poking the fire.” Nice, Kev. Real nice.

After seeing Anthony wooing Annie, Derek voices his concern to Kev and Vicki. While he doesn’t mind his dad and Annie pursuing happiness, he’s concerned about what will happen if it doesn’t work out. Vicki asks Derek why he doesn’t date, and when he sheepishly declines to answer, Vicki suggests he go on a dating site. Kev thinks this a grand plan and goes to set Derek up with an online profile.

As the two sign up for the site, Annie has asked Vicki to do something very uncomfortable. Annie would like Vicki to wax her for her date with Anthony. Brazilian-style. Vicki is horrified and asks Hannah to never speak of it again once the deed is done. It’s clear Annie has more than dinner planned for her date with Anthony.

Derek - S2 - E3 - Kev Discovers

Back at the computer, Kev and Derek look through the list of available singles. And who comes up? Kev’s Janice. Kev is heartbroken, but that doesn’t stop Geoff from walking up and teasing him about being rejected. Geoff, in rare asshole form, talks about he’ll never get married because he knows how women are. Despite some good jabs from Hannah about him living with his mother, Geoff couldn’t care less about anybody but himself.

Still stricken with sadness, Kev talks about the “good times” he had with Janice. To help him deal with the loss, Kev has asked his brother, the “black sheep” of the family, to come by and cheer him up. As Kev gives us a bit of history about his strange, decrepit sibling, Hannah is amazed that someone worse than Kev actually exists. She’s almost excited to see who that person could be.

Right on cue, Kev’s brother walks into the day room. The two salute each other with matching pelvic thrusts and have a seat. The two talk about work, sex and the status of the brother’s backside. He confesses that after allowing men of all types to have their way with him, it’s damaged beyond repair.

The Gag Reflex Moment: In reference to his broken anus, Kev’s brother claims his “ass has no latch.” Yuck!

After claiming Kev is the luckier of the two, the brother asks him to talk about his woman troubles. Kev spills his guts about his care of Janice, and his brother oddly empathizes. His brother’s sage advice? Follow your heart. It’s a wonderfully uncomfortable conversation that leaves everyone amazed that someone like him actually exists.

Derek - S2 - E3 - Kev and Brother

That evening, Anthony and Annie head out on their date. Derek is a bit upset but shrugs his shoulders at the situation. Tom walks in and seems pleased his gran went out on a date, but thanks to a dose of Kev’s TMI, learns about her “personal grooming.” Kev doesn’t mince words with Tom, telling him his grandmother has “cleared her runway for landing.” He goes so far to ask Tom if he’s ever thought about what it looks like. Tom, clearly disgusted, walks off. I’m surprised he didn’t give Kev a good smack.

Later that night, the love birds return from their date. Anthony excuses himself to go to bed, and after a quick chat, Annie does the same. Through the window we can see the two heading off together, and when Hannah asks if she should bring some cocoa, Annie snaps back with a clear “no.” She doesn’t want anybody coming into her room. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

As the credits roll, Derek and Kev settle down to hit the hay in the caravan. As Kev tells Derek a scary bedtime story involving cannibal rapists, we’re left with a good news/bad news situation. Hannah and Tom’s expecting has been a long time coming, but Anthony’s new squeeze may cause some problems down the road. With humor, sadness and a good smattering of rolling pin violence, episode 3 ends up as one of the lighter shows in the season. Here’s hoping episode 4 shines a bit more light on the developing situations.

#BeLikeDerek, friends!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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