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'The Musketeers' recap: Mother doesn't always know best

Season 1 | Episode 6 | “The Exiles” | Aired July 27, 2014

We’re now halfway done with the first season of this series. Backstories on the Musketeers are finished, and it’s now time to focus on what their job actually consists of: protecting king and country.

This episode starts off magnificently, with Aramis and D’Artagnan on horses. Seriously, I could watch a show with just them riding on horseback and be pleasantly happy. They’ve been sent on a mission by the Cardinal to go find a baby and bring him back. They have no idea why they are doing this because, as Aramis advises: “Don’t get involved.”

A young woman with the baby that’s about to be taken thinks she’s going to enjoy a lovely day outside in a field. Inside the church nearby, the place has been ransacked, and a priest is killed by some mysterious men. Another priest hides under the stairs. The killers then steal the baby from the woman. The way they placed that baby in the basket and rode away with him made me wonder how on earth the infant did not die or get severely injured.

AgnesD’Artagnan follows the men while Aramis stays behind to tend to Agnes (Amy Nuttall, Downton Abbey‘s Ethel). He starts to console her and then starts making all sorts of assumptions about her situation, inferring things about her that all turn out to be wrong. Way to go, Aramis. Open mouth, insert foot.

Meanwhile, the king has returned from hunting and begins relaxing, when Athos and Captain Treville notice riders arriving on horseback. Treville seems to realize that these are threats and starts preparing the Musketeers to defend the King. The riders, a man and a veiled woman, arrive demanding to see the king. It turns out she is his mother, Marie De Medici (Tara Fitzgerald), and she is NOT supposed to be there.

As she is banished for life and under order of execution upon her return, the king has a tough dilemma. His mother begs for his help, saying that she is in grave danger. The queen and the Cardinal tell the king that he should just back away for now and talk things over when he’s less emotional. The king decides he won’t see her.

While escorting Marie back through the woods to the palace (presumably toward her death), she asks Treville for help. He declines, bringing up her previous attempt at treason, but their conversation is cut short thanks to an ambush in the woods. Athos and Porthos manage to stop one of the gunmen, but Marie’s bodyguard, Vincent (Simon Merrells), kills the man almost immediately. Treville tells the duo to investigate the area while he brings Marie back to the king, who is glad that she is OK. He then runs away like a little boy.

Athos and Porthos wonder why Vincent killed the assassin without asking questions. No one in their group had been injured, but there is also no damage on the trees or even stray musket balls. It looks like the attack was staged.

Marie goes to the king to ask for forgiveness. There seems to be some tension between her and the queen, especially after Marie reminds her that they don’t have children yet. The king, however, seems to warm up to Mommy again after she reminds him of all the good things she did for him in the past.

At Constance’s house, Aramis tries to console Agnes over the loss of her baby. She instead gets him to open up slightly about his past. He admits that he doesn’t have a wife because something always got in the way, and the last time he felt true love was when he was 16.  She tells him that her husband, Philippe, had been malformed at birth and people considered him to be “touched by the devil.” She had originally been his nurse because his family had abandoned him at birth, though his mother sometimes would come visit. Eventually she fell in love with him, and they were married in secret by Father Duvall (David Burke, who is the real-life father of Tom Burke, who plays Athos). Because of his appearance, they never went out in public. The one time they did, the villagers beat and burned him, which eventually led to his death. All she has left of him is the baby, Henry, whom Aramis promises to return to her safely.

D’Artagnan comes up with a brilliant plan to send Constance inside the house where Henry is being kept as a wet nurse so she can find the baby, get a layout of the place and report on how many guards there are. Never mind the fact that she can’t actually feed the baby. Pfft. Semantics.

It turns out that Marie and Vincent are in cahoots together—or at least they’re sleeping together. She is planning on seeing the baby that very day, even though the original plan had been to do so later in the night. As she approaches the location of where the baby is hidden, Agnes sees her and realizes that she is Philippe’s mother. Wait … what????

Father Duvall tells the Cardinal that back when the Queen Mother gave birth, the child was deformed, and they named him Philippe. But then he had a twin brother, Louis, who became the heir to the throne. Duvall took away Philippe and hid him. He now has evidence to prove that the marriage between Philippe and Agnes is legal, and therefore the baby is legitimate and the true heir to the throne. The only people who know this are Father Duvall, the Cardinal and Marie. Whoa, we’re getting all The Man in the Iron Mask over here! Sadly, no Leo shows up in a flashback as Philippe.

Leo

Marie walks in on Constance and wants to examine the baby for herself. She deems him perfect and that he is going to be fit for the throne. But then he starts crying, and Marie leaves him to Constance to nurse. Constance is all, What on earth am I supposed to do? and tries to stall. Thankfully, the Musketeers finally storm inside to take back the baby. Aramis continues to make the female audience happy, because then we are treated to scenes of him holding AND singing to a baby. Ovaries, prepare to explode.

While he’s being all fatherly, one of the guards walks in, and Constance is the one that has to fight him. Since her first shooting lesson, she’s picked up sword-fighting quite well and is able to successfully defeat the guy.

The Cardinal tells Treville that Marie is going to present Henry to the Royal Council with records proving his legitimacy and claim to the throne. She will try to overthrow Louis and become Henry’s regent until he comes of age. Treville tells the Musketeers that they must bring the baby to the Cardinal. Aramis tries to argue that Agnes has already suffered enough and that the baby will be murdered. Treville tells him that he can’t help him because he has to do paperwork for the rest of the afternoon. You know, “paperwork.” Oh, right: Hint hint.

Aramis pays for transport for Agnes and the baby to leave the area and go to Spain. She wants to go back home, but he tells her that they won’t let be able to live in peace anymore. Even if they go to the palace, they will both be killed. At best, Henry would grow up being manipulated by people who want power. She HAS to leave if she wants a life with her son.

Pause for more Aramis and baby time:

The rest of the Musketeers catch up to them and they try to devise a plan to help out Agnes. Aramis tells Agnes to walk across the bridge first alone, so as not to draw suspicion. She makes it, but then Vincent and his cronies arrive before Aramis can walk across himself. Athos starts messing around with the barrels that are near them. He uncorks one and tastes it, declaring it to be brandy.

Athos really has got that “Dude, come on, really?” look down pat. He comes up with a plan to have Porthos and D’Artagnan throw the barrels into the fire, which causes an explosion and a distraction. Aramis comes riding through the smoke across the bridge with the baby. But then he’s attacked by Vincent and his men, and in the scuffle, they pull him off the horse and the baby flies out of his arms … AND INTO THE WATER!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Everyone panics, and Vincent and his men flee.

Marie comes to the Cardinal to tell him of her plans while channeling her best Carrie Bradshaw:

QueenMother

She’s going to bring the child into court and declare him the rightful heir, bring out Father Duvall as the witness and have the support of her allies. The fact that Louis and Anne have no heir will get everyone on her side. Either they will accept her, or be taken prisoner and eventually killed. She clearly doesn’t care about her own son, as she calls him “The Pretender King.” She thinks he is a weak man and a bad king. This must be done to keep the royal power supreme in France, to which the Cardinal remarks that means keeping HER as that power. He then presents Treville to her; he’s overheard everything. They tell her that the baby is dead, and they bring in a captured Vincent to prove it.

The Musketeers return and are told the attempted plot to overthrow the king is over; Vincent has been deemed the mastermind behind the incident and will be dealt with accordingly. The king will never find out what happened unless they can think of a good reason as to why he needs to be told that he HAS to execute his mother. The Cardinal burns all the evidence of Philippe, Agnes and Henry. As the sole witness, Father Duvall is killed, and Marie leaves the palace, most likely for good, to “enjoy retirement.”

But what of Agnes? That poor woman has suffered so much. But never fear, Aramis is here! He rides out to her to tell her that Henry IS alive! He would never have taken something so precious into battle, and the other Musketeers and Constance bring her baby to him. They can now go live a life of peace. While the baby will never be king, he’ll be much happier than the man who is. Aramis gives her money and tells her to start a new life outside of France. Agnes tells him that she would invite him to join them, but she knows that his true family is with the Musketeers.

One more “squeeee” for the road:

The Musketeers airs on Sundays 9/8 C on BBC America. 

TV Families | EW.com
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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data-tracking-zone="author"> <div class="author-list-item"> <a class="bold author-name" href="/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a> </div> <div class="timestamp published-date"> April 14, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT </div> </div> </div> <!-- Article Content --> <div id="article-body" class="article content body clearfix" data-tracking-zone="body"> <div class="padded"> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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