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Witches of East End (Lifetime)

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'Witches of East End' recap harsh truth: You're not a regular person

Season 2 | Episode 3 | “The Old Man and the Key” | Aired July 20, 2014

As “The Old Man and the Key” starts, Joanna watches Frederick sleep as she recalls when she came through the portal from Asgard without him. There is no time frame, but they are dressed like Greek goddesses in flowing white gowns. Victor is in a cape. Wendy’s necklace is a lovely blue. Today, Joanna sees the King’s symbol branded into Frederick’s chest. It’s the ultimate symbol of loyalty, meaning he’s bound to his grandfather for eternity.

Joanna calls Wendy to talk about her doubts, but still sticks up for her boy when Wendy accuses him of selling her earring. It’s the old trick: I can say anything I want about my son, but you can’t! Wendy has an idea, and I wonder if it will make Frederick suspicious—the very thing Joanna fears.

Freya is leaving for Santo Domingo, realizing Ingrid will no longer live at home when she returns. She’s both happy and sad at the thought. She always wanted to be the first one to flee the nest. Ingrid wants to talk to Dash. He’s probably scared and confused, and it’s not his fault Penelope took his powers when he was a baby. Now that they’re rightfully his again, he could use some guidance from someone who has been through a similar situation. Freya worries about what he could do if he knew what he was capable of.

woees02e0313The girls find a door inside the closet. How they have never seen it before is a mystery, but an even bigger one is where it leads, because Joanna is lying her ass off when she tells them it used to lead to the dining room. Change seems to be happening too fast for Joanna, as she cries seeing Freya off.

Dream-Killian is giving Dash advice again. This time he pressures Dash into finding his blackmailer before he ruins his life. The girl sleeping with Dash wonders who he’s talking to.

Wendy goes to the morgue and wakes up Dr. Foster for information. She doesn’t quite expect him to be ranting about “being one of them” and puts him back to sleep quickly. That’s when she sees the King’s brand on his chest.

Joanna is cooking dinner when she receives the text from Wendy with the brand. Why does everyone who cooks on TV do it with such panache? Large piles of fresh vegetables and bowls of herbs make everything look so delicious. Frederick agrees, noting the air here smells like food. Joanna takes the opportunity to ask after her father. He’s still in power, but there’s not much left of Asgard. Entire cities have been leveled. When Frederick admits he loved his grandfather until he became corrupt, Joanna wonders why he didn’t join them in the rebellion.

Frederick was fed lies about all of them, and by the time her realized what his grandfather was doing, it was too late. Joanna wants to better understand what he went through, but Frederick wants to forget and start over. The ultimate insult is delivered when she says, “I love you Frederick,” and he merely responds, “Thanks.” Ouch.

woees02e031Joanna again loses herself in memories of the night she came through the portal. She puts up a great fight to leave the portal open to await Frederick, despite pleas from all of the others to use the key to seal it so the King cannot come through. Victor knows Frederick is a warrior and will survive. As they argue, Frederick comes through. Joanna hands him the key to lock the portal, but instead he looks his mother straight in the eyes and tosses the key back through to his grandfather, betraying all who stand with him.

Dash finds Kyle Hutton on Facebook. His boat is in the right position to take the photos Dash has been receiving. Dream-Killian encourages Dash to get rid of Kyle Hutton in the same way Dash got rid of him. If he means sending him into the arms of a beautiful girl in Santo Domingo, that’s not such a bad way to go.

Joanna hears from Victor. He’s coming home. He’s thrilled about Frederick. Wendy wonders how he could be thrilled when they still have doubts. Wendy, actually, thinks he is responsible for the deaths. Thus, she made a potion and rubbed it onto Frederick’s shirt. It will show them where he’s been. “Yeah, that can’t be good,” Wendy says as they watch him take a knife from the kitchen and stash it in his backpack.

woees02e034Freya has landed in Santo Domingo. She finds Killian—and his wife. He married Eva. He and Eva lightly caress each other all over as they share a drink with Freya. I just have to pipe up here and express how much I hate when a couple tickle-touches each other, especially in front of someone else. The act itself is annoying, and doing it in public is rude. Eva gloats as she realizes how much Freya must care about Killian, and even more when Freya shares that she and Dash broke up. Eva snuggles up on Killian’s neck when they learn Penelope is dead. I really dislike Eva.

As Joanna and Wendy continue to track Frederick, Joanna continues to recall that fateful night of betrayal. Joanna knew then that Frederick wasn’t bad and tried to talk him into coming with them, but he refused.

Dash visits Kyle Hutton and blows up his car. Uncertain if his message was received, Dash calls Kyle and tells him not only his name, but the news that he’ll do worse if he ever contacts Dash again. My first thought is that Kyle is a dupe. I will be proven wrong.

woees02e036Joanna and Wendy catch up with a shirtless Frederick, speaking a different language (“Sounds like old Norse”), kissing a dove and then killing it for a sacrifice. He disappears and the sisters get a closer look at the scene.

Eva wants to talk to Freya in private. She senses Freya and Killian have history and doesn’t want Freya to be upset. It’s complicated and fine, Freya assures Eva, who wants to be friends. Everyone thinks the world of everyone, which is just plain odd, given the situation. At least I know Freya is in pain and Eva is a liar.

Ingrid visits Dash, and when she’s about to tell him she wasn’t exactly honest about her MRI, he gets a text from Kyle Hutton—he’s upstairs! I certainly didn’t expect Ingrid to wait in the living room as he asked. Dash may not know what he’s doing, but he can pack a wallop. Hutton pushes all the right buttons, and the electrical punches Dash throws kill him while Ingrid watches in horror. She really should have taken her own advice and gone over to talk to him a little earlier.

woees02e037Ingrid misunderstands the situation, thinking Dash was trying to protect her but that he went too far because he can’t control his powers. Dash is like, “Powers? What powers?” Any rational human being would be thinking that. Ingrid is talking about the bolts of electricity that were coming out of his fists. Ingrid continues to explain that they share an MRI, and he’s not a regular person. She knows this because neither is she; they’re witches. She says he’s technically a warlock, but if that sounds too crazy, they can call it something else; it will just mean the same thing. She explains about the dormancy of his powers and offers to teach him about them. In the meantime, they need to figure out what to do about the dead guy on Dash’s attic floor.

Joanna and Wendy confront Frederick. He claims not to have killed anyone, and he seems pretty sincere. Frederick was doing a blood spell to try to rid himself of the brand. After his grandfather branded him, he threw him in jail for 100 years without sun, and Frederick just wants to rid himself of anything connecting him to the pain. He can’t get rid of it, even with a spell.

Wendy thinks Frederick is lying though his teeth. Frederick screams, “Grandfather has armies of hunters that are loyal to him to the death! Of course he’d send one after me!” He is concerned they’re all in danger because of him, and doesn’t blame Wendy, who walked out of the room cackling her disapproval, for not trusting him. Joanna has something she needs to tell Frederick about that night so long ago.

woees02e0310Joanna recalls Frederick kneeling in front of the portal as her father walked through, the key wrapped around his wrist. He says death is too easy a punishment because he wants them all to live a long, long time in misery, fear and pain. He wants them all to suffer, he says, as he spells them all: a vanishing King’s brand on each of their foreheads and Wendy’s necklace turns from blue to green. In anger, Joanna grabs his sword and slices off his arm, the key slinking away. As Frederick starts to follow his grandfather into the portal, Joanna begs him not to go. When Frederick disappears through the portal, she immediately uses the key to seal it.

For ages, Joanna thought she let go of his hand when it was Frederick’s choice to make; he is the one who let go. That does not discount how they feel about each other now or that they will once again be a family when his father comes home. As Victor runs up on to the porch, he hears a strange sound and hesitates to open the door. A car appears to drive by and as red lights come over him, a growl is heard and then a squeal. It goes black.

woees02e0311Dash is on the cliff by the side of the ocean, tossing Hutton’s body into the turf below. Ingrid has crafted a doll representing Hutton in a jar. As long as the doll stays underwater, no one will ever find the body. Dash appreciates not only her help but the truth she told him about who he is.

Killian finds Freya and their conversation is quite uncomfortable. He apologizes for what he did before the wedding, believing it was probably never about her, but because he was so screwed up. That’s certainly not what she wants to hear. Eva saved him, he believes, and he feels like he’s finally with the right person. He doesn’t know that person is a freakin’ owl who is either protecting or harming him—and it’s looking more likely to be the latter every second.

woees02e0312Freya lies to Killian as she tells him breaking up with Dash had nothing to do with him, but she cares too much about him to ruin whatever happiness he has found. Shortly thereafter, Freya is in Ingrid’s old room, where she used to go when she needed to talk to her sister. She thought her wedding day was the worst day of her life, but this topped it. Freya thinks Killian’s happy aura when he looks at Eva means he’s not her soul mate. As often happens, Freya starts to reconsider Dash. She thinks Ingrid should help him with his powers. When Ingrid says she’ll think about it, there is a look of corruption on her face. She was the last person I expected to be corrupted by it, but she’s been touched by darkness.

Dash is playing with his lightning and hears the piano. He tells Killian to get out because he thinks he’s a vision. I guess Ingrid never got around to telling Dash he hadn’t killed his own brother after he did kill Kyle Hutton to hide it.

Worried about Victor since his plane landed hours ago, Joanna calls Victor. His cell phone is on the porch, covered in blood, a domesticated rat sitting nearby. Victor is hanging, his wrists in chains, in a dungeon somewhere, shirtless and beaten. Frederick is on the couch asleep, so unless it’s all been done via a spell, he’s without fault for this one.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

  • Can we guess that the snake man has Victor? He’s been missing in action, but must be responsible for doing more than molesting and otherwise corrupting Ingrid.
  • Could Eva be one of the grandfather’s minions, sent to keep Freya from her soul mate? He does want them all to suffer for eternity.
  • I really thought Kyle Hutton was going to be a dupe, but his purpose was to show the darkness had spread to Ingrid. That really surprised me.
  • Is it just me or are there too many scenes with a weird green hue to them? What could be the purpose of green? I’m not sure what mood that evokes.
  • Why did the King brand each of his family members with a vanishing King symbol on their foreheads? It would be more humiliating to do what he did to Frederick—give them one they must see and cannot erase.
  • What is the door in the closet? That is too odd not to mean something. Does it lead to the dungeon where Victor is being held?

Witches of East End airs Sundays at 9/8C on Lifetime.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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