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Seed: s1, ep 2, Rose, Irene, Harry (The CW)

Image Credit: The CW

'Seed' recap: The French mistake

Season 1 | Episode 2 | “Zygote Problems” | Aired July 21, 2014

Harry and Billy play cards and bond; although since Harry’s playing poker and Billy’s playing Go Fish, the bonding may need some work. Billy is keen to dissect the dead squirrel outside or watch the “new” episode of Murder She Wrote. Harry: “This is why you don’t get invited to the cool parties.”

Zoey is ticked to hear Billy wasn’t invited to Jacob Hammerstein’s party. Michelle is unhappy to find Harry is still at their house. “We said one hour twice a week,” she says. “He knows I hate him, right?”

Zoey informs Michelle that Harry thinks their son Billy isn’t cool. Got that? Harry clarifies they all know Billy is the “weird kid,” but Michelle thinks their son is just special. Harry: “His show-and-tell project was on smallpox!” Please tell me it didn’t include a sample. Harry thinks Billy needs to win over the cool kid to get that invite, and a cool show-and-tell will do the deed. Billy begs “Dad” to help him with the show-and-tell. Michelle and Zoey object to him calling Harry “Dad,” as he’s only the sperm who fertilized the egg. “I’ll tell you the cool parts later,” Harry promises.

michelle and zoeyAna sits with Harry at the Pour House and whines how her parents make her do her French homework. “I want to be a fashion designer! How will French help with that?” Mon Dieu, cherie! Harry asks Irene what might impress a fourth-grade boy. Irene: “Boobs.” Harry is looking for something more appropriate for show-and-tell and less likely to happen on a field trip.

Rose, the Wanna-Baby Mama, arrives. Harry thinks she’s there to ask him to have no-strings-attached sex … again. When Rose calls him on his sperm-donor lies, Harry offers to start over with 100 percent honesty, then immediately denies having ever donated sperm. Rose announces she might be pregnant. Irene and Harry do some quick math and rejoice that it can’t be Harry’s child, especially he’s never had sex with Rose. Rose pulls out the headshot she snatched from her sperm donor’s file and admits she can’t tell if it’s Harry. Harry: “Oh fu&#!”

Janet and Jonathan just learned Ana is failing French. Janet wonders where Ana got her newfound lying impulses. Jonathan: “I don’t know, Mrs. ‘My Grandmother Was a Countess.’”  They take shots at each other’s white lies across the years until Janet goes too far with, “Oh, and you’ve ‘been’ to an R.E.M concert!” Jonathan realizes Ana started lying when she found out they’d hid the truth from her about using a sperm donor. Janet: “You’re right. This is all Harry’s fault.” Knew we’d get there eventually.

At the Pour House, Harry hyperventilates over being a father … again. “You met me, blew me off—not in the good way—and then chose me as your sperm donor?!” Irene wonders how many times this can happen to Harry, and Rose realizes someone else from the sperm bank has contacted Harry. Harry looks at Ana, who waves. “Maybe.”

Back at Michelle and Zoey’s house, Billy presents potential show-and-tell topics like taxidermy and reenacting his favorite scene from Carrie, blood and all. Harry doesn’t hate the Carrie pitch. The moms think Harry has a duty to support his newest Sperm Baby Mama. “But not a go-to-jail-if-I-don’t-do-it kind of legal duty, right?” Harry clarifies. Michelle thinks he’ll be a great dad, and Harry is touched by her support. As he leaves, Michelle cheerfully admits to Zoey she does not think Harry will make a good Baby Daddy: “But we have to make him someone else’s problem.”

Jonathan and Janet accuse Harry of lying on his sperm-donor bio by claiming to have an IQ of 130. Harry: “130’s good, right?” He wants to know if they have anything good for show-and-tell: “Something cool you stayed up all night making for Anastasia?” Janet offers him Ana’s seventh-grade volcano science project, but Jonathan objects: “Not only does it erupt, but it blows ash over a replica of Pompeii!” Harry points out how obvious it is that Jonathan and Janet do all of Ana’s homework: “She’s only failing French because you guys don’t speak it.”

Janet offers to lend Harry the volcano if he takes an IQ test. Ana arrives in time to see all her parents in rare harmony and cheerfully announces Harry’s impending fatherhood. “You spawned again?” Jonathan moans. “God, what do you eat?” Harry hits up Jonathan for legal advice on his financial responsibility for Rose’s kid. “Yes,” Janet answers. “You’re legally responsible.” Jonathan quietly reminds his wife that Harry actually has no legal liability to the new baby. Janet: “Shh. Let’s make him somebody else’s problem.”

At the Pour House, Harry sets parameters for his involvement with Rose and her baby. Flabbergasted, Rose insists she doesn’t want his support or want him to have any involvement with her child. Harry: “You want me involved. They all want me involved.” He explains Billy’s show-and-tell issues and suddenly realizes he only has 10 minutes to get to the school. “Can I put my volcano in your trunk?”

At school, Billy checks his pocket watch—of course he has a pocket watch—and impersonates Charlie Brown: “Good grief.” The teacher applauds Jacob’s trumpet playing and calls Billy up next. He asks for a few more minutes.

Janet grades Harry’s IQ test while Jonathan makes an academic study of beer. “He scored higher than me!” Janet admits. Jonathan doesn’t believe Harry scored higher, but he did. Janet: “We should be glad our daughter’s … male person of genetic origin … is both handsome and smart!” Ana overhears them and is upset they gave Harry a test because they thought she was dumb. Ana wants to take the test “to prove I’m not mentally challenged-ed-ed.”

Harry and Rose arrive at Billy’s school. She again insists he has zero parenting responsibility to her upcoming child, but objects to his insinuation that he’d have to be drunk to have sex with her. “No,” he protests. “I was so ready to bone you!” Man, he’s just naturally romantic, isn’t he? Rose asks if Harry likes being involved with his new kids, and Harry can’t really admit that he does or that he doesn’t. “You are so two-faced!” she accuses. Actually, he’s just a guy. They’re like that. Through clenched teeth, Rose insists she isn’t mad, but then she floors the car in reverse, bumping Harry hard, which makes him drop the volcano upside down.

Across town, Jonathan spontaneously jumps with alarm as he feels a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of volcanoes cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced.

Rose insists she did not try to kill Harry. “You said goodbye forever and then ran over me!” Harry moans. Rose swears she meant to go forward. Harry mourns the volcano: “You’ve ruined Billy’s life.”

harry and rose in schoolMeanwhile, Billy lectures his class about smallpox. Kid’s gonna be Prom King. When Harry rushes in, Billy introduces him as his dad. Harry automatically clarifies that he’s Billy’s sperm donor. When Jacob asks what sperm are, Harry realizes he is Billy’s show-and-tell project. “My dad says women should only be with men,” Jacob offers. “Your dad is an idiot,” Harry cheerfully replies. Snort.

Harry thinks he’s got the perfect arrangement, as he gets an awesome kid without the nagging wife and dead-end marriage. Billy and Harry tag-team the explanation; Harry shuts down Jacob’s repeated attempts to categorize Billy’s home life as “stupid,” finally getting into a childish squabble that ends with Harry yelling at the teacher, “He started it!” Billy, ever the adult of the duo, jumps in by simply stating, “I like how Harry comes to my house once a week, and I like how I’m not a bastard anymore.” Aww.

Harry moans that his head hurts and pulls a piece of the volcano from his scalp. Blood immediately streams down his face. Billy is ecstatic: “My favorite scene from Carrie!” Harry yells that Rose the cute girl tried to kill him with her car. Rose yells back that she didn’t. “Wait, you think I’m cute?” and then, “I’m carrying his baby!” Billy: “Whoa.”

In the ER waiting room, Ana complains that only Antiques Roadshow is on the TV. “Wait, it’s pocket watch week!” Billy exclaims. Zoey and Michelle chat up Rose about her pregnancy. She asks what Janet tells people about Ana’s conception, and the teenager scoffs that she only found out herself three months ago. Rose insists she’ll be upfront about her child’s parentage, even as she avoids her mother’s phone call. A nurse comes out to ask who’s there for Harry and they all raise their hands, if not happily. “You must all be a very close family,” the nurse decides.

Michelle insists on seeing Harry first so she can smack him upside the head and demand, “What were you thinking?!” He offers the broken volcano as defense exhibit A. “Instead of being the weird kid with two moms, now [Billy’s] the awesome kid whose cool dad has great hair!” Michelle decides Harry’s involvement in Billy’s life is over, which is when Zoey enters to crow that Jacob is adopted and the Cool Kid’s parents love that Billy is from a “special” family too. He’s been invited to the party.

Ana thanks Jonathan for coming with her to the hospital. She knows the volcano was all due to her parents. “No wonder you don’t think I’m smart,” she says. Her mother calmly counters that they know Ana is smart, especially since her IQ test reveals she’s even smarter than her father. Which one? She decides the problem is Ana’s French teacher. Ana goes off on “Mister Bernard’s” high level of cute. Janet and Jonathan have a shared, silent epiphany about the true source of Ana’s French failure.

harry and rose in hospitalRose took two pregnancy tests to be sure, and both came back with smiley faces. Harry: “We’re having twins?!” As she wheels a discharged Harry from the hospital, Rose realizes if she tells people she used a sperm bank, she’s going to come across as a “lonely, desperate, baby-crazy woman who could not find a man—that is so not me!” He suggests she uses the “got drunk and had unprotected sex” excuse. He generously offers to have sex with her to add validity to her bad-decisions explanation. Harry suggests that he and Rose go celebrate, as “it’s not every day you find out you’re having a kid.” Though lately …

Jonathan has Janet give him multiple IQ tests. His scores gets worse with every test.

Billy’s newfound popularity has generated five birthday invitations. Zoey schemes a bad gift for the Cool Kid to keep Billy from bankrupting them with his popularity.

At the Pour House, Rose gets updated on Harry’s impressive IQ and its implications for their baby. He joins Ana in a booth, where the teenager ponders how weird it was for her mom to leave the IQ test answers right out on her desk. They share conspiratorial looks, and then Harry congratulates his daughter on her problem-solving skills. “Thank God I didn’t inherit my mom’s overtrusted-ing-ness-ed.” Harry corrects that it’s “gullibility.” Ana: “I get it. I don’t speak French.”

La fin.

Seed, rated TV-14, airs on Mondays at 9:30/8:30C on The CW.

TV Families | EW.com

TV Families -- We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ''The Brady Bunch'' to ''The Flintstones''

By Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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