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'Dominion' recap: Breaking up is hard to do

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “Something Borrowed” | Aired July 17, 2014

Previously: Alex decided to embrace his destiny as the Chosen One. David murdered tiny, pale Bixby in cold blood. DUDE MURDERED AN ORPHAN. There’s not a lot of coming back from that one.

This week’s Dominion is all about relationships falling apart and the fallout that ensues. But before we get started, it’s time for that part of the weekly recap I like to call “David Whele’s Annoyed Expression of the Week!” Here’s David reacting to the news that he’s being held hostage by an app:

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And a bonus!


Oh, come on. You know he did.

OK, so we’re in the desert outside of Vega. Alex is training with a swoopy Michael and not training well. There’s a lot of bullet casings, and we learn that none of their spent bullets actually hit our archangel. Michael ends the training session by sweeping the leg and pointing out that Alex’s military training had deserted him. His emotions are getting the best of him and making him Private First Class Noob. Dominion - Season 1We learn that Bixby’s death is messing with him. So yes, David Whele really murdered an orphan in her hospital bed. If you’re looking for him, he’ll be establishing a concentration camp outside of Vega while setting puppies on fire.

Suddenly, we’re in the middle of a terrifying scene. A family (father, mother, three kids) cowers in a dark bedroom closet. There are 8-balls in the house, looking to kill. The youngest child won’t stop crying. The 8-balls hear it and rip the closet open. Dad’s measly hammer does little to defend them. Mom’s dead, two oldest kids are dragged away screaming, and Dad’s left with the crying youngest and the one 8-ball he managed to kill. Hammer raised, a younger David Whele seems to briefly consider killing baby William for dooming their family. Yeesh. Well, that explains a lot.

David is shaken out of his remembrance by the very lucky-to-be-alive William. Willy wants to know if Dad wants to say anything at his engagement party. Dad mutters something about cherishing his time with Claire because no one’s immortal. He’s right. You never know when your pops is going to bury a hammer into your toddler’s head.

Claire waits at the barracks to speak to Alex. She’s mourning Bixby as well, and we learn that everyone believes the jaundiced orphan succumbed to her angel-wing injuries as opposed to being murdered by a shady politician. Alex guesses that Claire is here to end things between them because she’s marrying William to help the lessers in Vega get some rights. There’s kissing and tears and, oh, Christopher Egan is even cuter when he cries! These two are giving me feels. And I hate feels. Can we watch David contemplating murdering his toddler again?

Claire is auditioning wedding dresses and sporting some serious “I can’t believe I have to marry this chump” cat eyes when Noma comments on what a fairy-tale wedding it’s going to be. Sure, kid, it’s like Cinderella, if Cinderella’s fiancé was the head cultist to an evil angel, and her Dad was putting it to an 8-ball behind everyone’s back. Noma skedaddles when David slithers in and presents Claire with the Heart of the Ocean. Before she can ask David to draw her wearing this, and only this, he reveals he knows about her Dad’s impending heart failure. And so does the rest of the Senate. General Eddie is about to be asked to step down due to his health issues. For some reason, he thinks Claire should take over as Lady of the City asap. Watch out for that hammer, girl!

tumblr_n8rv2hKVOm1r3rzq4o1_500Clementine is General Eddie’s 8-ball undercover lover, and she’s in Vega to shop for some more shabby chic for her crib. She finds a lovely music box and gets an incredible discount on it by killing the shopkeeper. He noticed her onyx eyes and pointy teeth.

Michael is trying to teach Alex how to access the visions connected to his angelic tattoos. Remember when “She died for you” helped him with the hostage crisis? This time he sees himself cradling a bloody Bixby, dominion004who warns him that something-something “mustn’t hurt anyone else.” My hearing impairment is going to get me kicked off the Dominion Recapping Senate! Either that or her ghost needs to enunciate more.

General Eddie goes to visit Clementine and gifts her some posies that look kinda dead. Is that a dig? Thanks, I know I’m an angelic demon that’s stolen the body of a dead lady to live in. I don’t need the passive-aggression. Eddie notices the music box, has apparently been keeping a mental catalog of her tchotchkes, and calls her out on it. She admits that she’s been to Vega, and is terrified because she knows Ed’s going to kick it soon. Who will take care of her and keep her in luxury at the Luxor? She suggests his daughter Claire, and Ed isn’t feeling that option. He promises he’ll figure it out.

Becca is looking adorkable-hot in glasses when David corners her in the hall, reminding her that he wants to study Michael’s physiology, and he’s not getting the reports. Becca tells him to step. He counters by naming the ladies with whom she’s been sharing Michael’s circular bed: “Emily, Gloria, Hannah and va- va-Veronica!” I’m guessing Veronica is Becca’s main competition. Later on, Michael’s earth angels are having a discussion about tuberoses in the Spa of Sensuality (we get it—SEX) when Becca warns them to leave town and forget they ever writhed together behind Michael’s mosquito netting.

William Whele preaches to the masses and a certain parishioner stops by afterward to remind him that he’s actually on Team Gabriel, not Team Chosen One. It’s the new initiate whose ribs he broke and wow, he’s mouthy for a new guy. William tweaks his injured ribs and tells him to shut it. Claire arrives, and she’s got her matching lavender eyeshadow and blouse set on. It’s what she wears when she’s preppin’ to blackmail. She asks Willy for help in getting the goods on his dad so she can save HER dad’s political career. Here’s where I note for you that Gabriel’s worshipers seem to have a frayed gray scarf in common. This will figure into the episode (and David’s formal wear) later.

Michael is practicing tai chi, but with knives (knife chi?), when Becca pays him a visit. She’s here to end things with Michael. Michael, being the angelic warrior he is, has no concept of how a breakup is supposed to go and basically asks her if there’s anything else. Uh, no, thanks. I’m going to go cue up some Adele and fondly remember the orgy times. Oh, Michael, the ways of the warrior are sometimes incompatible with the ways of a woman’s heart! That’s my really long title for my upcoming Dominion fan-fic.

Cute Ethan is zipping up his bodyshirt (wrong way, Ethan) when Noma asks for some lipstick. Ethan does drag? No, he’s a klepto. Noma quickly forgets the cosmetics when Alex shows up all full of emotion over Bixby and the vision he’s had. He’s heard about the 8-ball’s murder of the shopkeeper and is going huntin’.

Everybody at Castle Reisen is prepping for the big ‘do that evening when General Edward finds Clementine in Claire’s bedroom. She’s leaving her the music box as a “please take future financial care of your dead dad’s demonic lover” gift. He guesses correctly that she’s been killing Vega’s retail workers, and she counters that when he’s dead, no one will stop her from coming into his home. Edward is aghast and throws her out.

William and Daddy David have a little talk. This occurs after David finds Willy snooping through his office looking for blackmail material for his fiancée. They argue and David hisses that William has no idea what he’s sacrificed for him. Is he talking about choosing not to bury a ball-peen hammer in his dome? Thanks, Dad. William is more than a chip off the old block as he plants a sinister kiss on Dave’s forehead, noting their similarities.

General Edward pays a visit to Michael in the former orgy aerie. He wants him to find Clementine. And kill her. Please refer to the subtitle of this week’s recap. Michael is in wonderment over Ed’s willingness to kill someone he professes to have loved. Does this mean I need to kill Becca? he’s probably thinking. Please don’t, she gives good shade.

Noma and Alex look for Clementine (who’s already killed another dude) and discuss their past. She feels that he’s hiding something. He notes that’s an action she’s familiar with. We find out that Noma and Alex were a thing (DRAMZ!) until their superior found out and made her call it off or Alex would be drummed out of the corps. She’s fine, and knows that he met Claire right afterward. Claire might have herself a rival, because it’s not just a crush she’s been nursing. She’s been there, done that, might want a return visit!

It’s engagement-party time. Claire is working a major Bumpit and lotsa extensions. Hey, you hopefully only get engaged once; it calls for some extreme hair. Before her grand entrance, however, she needs to loot David’s office for the goods. Ethan helps out and loots a little himself. Good for him. Hey, most of the corps have very little to their name and maybe he can sell some swag to Clementine. Claire finds some artwork given to David by his children while they were all alive, and the gray scarf Gabriel’s followers wear instead of pins. Willy must have planted it. Willy wasn’t kidding when he said he was like his dad.

The scarf ends up as David’s pocket square. It’s placed there by a very steely Claire. She tells David that if he doesn’t quit it with the Eddie backstabbing, she’ll out him as Gabriel’s lapdog to everyone in Vega. And they WILL believe her, because she’s the Lady of the Lake, or the City, or the hair extensions. Or something.

Alex and Noma battle a fleeing Clementine. Clementine throws a lot of garbage cans at them and skitters around on walls and ceilings. Alex finally corners her in the sewers, as she begs for her life. He tells her that she’s a disgusting creature who stole a dead woman’s body. But something in him is preventing him from offing her. This is a good thing because we learn, courtesy of an engagement party toast and a family portrait, that Clementine is CLAIRE’S MOM. Or at least inhabiting Claire’s mom’s body! Brilliance.

Remind me to congratulate Dominion executive producer Vaun Wilmott on that twist when we tweet each other again. Oh, you didn’t know? He follows me on Twitter! But I’m not one to brag.

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Dominion, rated TV-MA, airs Thursdays at 9/8C on Syfy.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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