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'Jennifer Falls' recap: I never, ever, ever want to be you, Mom

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “School Trouble” | Aired July 16, 2014

jenn_gretNow that Jennifer has time to notice what Gretchen is up to, she’s afraid her daughter is going to take after her and make all the same mistakes. Jennifer is determined to keep Gretchen on track, even if she has to use some dirty tactics to do it.

When Jennifer finds a disciplinary notice in Gretchen’s purse for fighting, Jennifer beings to worry that all the changes they’ve faced are having a negative effect on her. Gretchen treats it like a shakedown and dials up the melodrama pretty high—threatening to pee in a jar if need be. (But who would ever need that?) Jennifer turns to Maggie for support, but Maggie doesn’t have much to add about quantity versus quality time. After all, Jennifer did turn up pregnant while Maggie was in psychology school. Jessica Walter is starting to be the TV mom we want, and she does prim disdain better than anybody else.

Jennifer turns to Dina for support, and Dina tries to reassure her by reminding her that they didn’t get in any real dinaflashbacktrouble when they were younger, even though their parents weren’t very involved. The flashback of them fleeing a smoke-filled car after getting caught with a “marijuana cigarette” suggests otherwise, and Jennifer begins to worry even more.

When Gretchen comes home that evening, Jennifer is waiting to smother—er, talk with her, and assures her she is going to be “way more involved in your life.” It’s then that Gretchen reveals she’s been suspended for vandalizing a car, which Dina characterized as “ballsy” and Jennifer finds extremely alarming. Gretchen’s denial smacks of a misunderstanding, and we begin to suspect there is something more going on. Isn’t there always?

mrbeldingIn an attempt to get to the bottom of Gretchen’s troubles, Jennifer goes to see her principal, Mr. Whitehorn (played by none other than Mr. Belding himself, Dennis Haskins). She brings Dina along for moral support. It’s been 17 years since the ladies were last in high school, but they still remember “the bench.” As they sit and wait to be called into Mr. Whitehorn’s office, Dina has time to notice that she no longer holds the record for career-high scorer. It belongs to Marissa Rosales now, and Dina challenges her to a shootout at a later time of their mutual choosing. Rosales is less than interested, so Dina has to pay her to play her—which takes a turn for the sad. Dina wins but Marissa is a smug loser, rubbing her trophy, her scholarship to Stanford and her future in Dina’s face.dina_fist

While Dina relives her glory days as a Brittle Bush (it’s a desert flower), Mr. Whitehorn takes out all his anger at Jennifer on Gretchen, saying Gretchen must be a giant screwup just like her mother. This fuels Jennifer’s emotional spiral, and she winds up giving him a piece of her mind as the bell rings (you know, so we can’t hear the cursing). Mr. Whitehorn makes Jennifer and Dina wait on “the bench” for Maggie to come pick them up, and when Maggie arrives, he is charmed by her and waives the suspension.

At her wit’s end with more worry than is necessary, Jennifer consults their ex-maid, Lupe, making her clean in exchange for Lupe’s advice—to snoop. Lupe tells her it’s probably a boy (because there is always a boy) and that she must spy on Gretchen to get to the truth. Jennifer does just that in a flimsy disguise that consists of exactly one pair of sunglasses. She wasn’t too committed to the secrecy part, and follows Gretchen, Scooby Doo–style, all over campus. She even has to duck into the boys’ locker room to avoid detection.

jenn_gretchenOnce she catches up to Gretchen, she surprises Jennifer with a boy, but not doing what Jennifer feared. They are in the photography darkroom, and Jennifer must apologize to Gretchen for distrusting her. In fact, when Gretchen comes home with the same boy, Taylor, it’s revealed that it was his jealous ex who was the cause of all the trouble, so Jennifer feels even worse for suspecting her.

That is, until she walks in on Gretchen and Taylor in her bed. Taylor slinks out, and Jennifer has a hard conversation with Gretchen about making the same mistakes she made. Gretchen assures her she doesn’t want to be anything like her mother, and they hug and we all feel better. The feels get even feelier when Gretchen presents her photograph of all three Doyle women at school.

While Jennifer was playing super-sleuth and Dina was winning the shootout against Marissa Rosales, Wayne and step_testStephanie were working on having a baby. Wayne seems so excited about it—tracking her uterus with an app, making her fertility smoothies and high-fiving over ovulation schedules—that it is a real shock in the end when Stephanie breaks the news to him that she isn’t pregnant. It’s not a shock, however, to the audience, because we see Stephanie reach into her drawer and take a birth control pill. It was a strangely serious moment after all the foolishness, and it just reminds me that this show has great potential to grow beyond the silliness.

How did you feel when Stephanie took the pill? Any guesses about why? Tweet me your thoughts.

Jennifer Falls, rated TV-PG, airs Wednesdays at 10:30/9:30C on TV Land.

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" title="Tweet"><span>Tweet</span></a></li><li class="share-email"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="" class="share-email sd-button 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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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