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'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' recap: Civil War

Season 4 | Episode 5 | “Civil War” | Aired July 10, 2014

This episode begins with baby Katelyn running cheeseballs to her father in Mama June’s living room.  Yes, it’s time for baby Katelyn’s parents, Anna and Michael, to start planning their wedding. The only problem: Anna and Michael don’t even know each other’s birthdays or eye color.

They play “Who the Heck Are You Marrying?” to find out just how well they know each other, which, it turns out, is very little.

Then, Mama June and Sugar Bear play “Who in the Heck Are You Committed To?” to find out how well they know one another, with hard-hitting questions like how many dates it took before they farted on one another. Yes, that was a real question asked seriously in the game. You stay classy, Thompsons!  nd in case you were wondering, the answer is one. Sugar Bear farted on June on their first date.

Treasure Hunters 

Sugar Bear borrows his friend Dusty’s metal detector to find some money-makin’ trinkets after seeing a show on TV about treasure hunting. He walks up and down the street with his metal detector, with no luck in finding anything.

He enlists Alana’s help in his treasure-hunting in the backyard. They dig and dig. Their first discovery: a bicentennial quarter. Then they find a railroad spike, a pocketknife, a doll named Molly and a penny. Up to 26 cents!

After digging a hole deeper than anything your average person would have the patience to dig, they find what appears to be a bayonet: “Could be worth nothing, could be worth millions.” Sugar Bear is sure they have found the rarest treasure on earth.

Sugar Bear invites a Civil War expert and self-proclaimed “amateur historian and reenactor,” who shows up in an actual Civil War uniform to weigh in on how much the bayonet is actually worth. He says it was “very definitely used in the Civil War … and it’s worth $80 to $100.” Ha! They laughed when Sugar Bear took out his metal detector! Who’s laughing now?

200 (3)Sugar Bear hangs the bayonet on the wall right next to all of Alana’s pageant crowns, sashes  and trophies. That bayonet is sure to be their favorite prize of all.

Anan’s Place

Meanwhile, Anna and Michael are still getting ready to get married. For Anna’s wedding, she wants to be wed in a “fancy place,” while Michael would like to get married in a barn. But Anna is too high-maintenance, and she refers to herself as a “high-class girl—who likes stuff fancy.”

They go to a beautiful wedding venue so nice that Mama June can’t even pronounce its fancy name: Lockerly Arboretum, built in 1852. The only problem is, this place may be a little too fancy for their minuscule budget. But at least there’s a nice lake on the property where they can fish.

When they return from touring the mansion, Mama June, the voice of reason, has a serious talk with Anna about money after reading that it costs $1,000 just to book a spot at the Lockerly Arboretum. She brings her daughter back to reality and explains budgeting to her, and how she would have corn and not steak at her wedding. Reality check!

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, rated TV-14, airs Thursdays at 9/8C on TLC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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