Season 1 | Episodes 11–13 | “Let There Be Light,” “Danny’s Boys,” “Go for Gary” | Aired July 3, 2014
NBC celebrated the favorable ratings of Undateable by airing a special two-hour season finale event. Nothing says “we support our summer shows” by slating one repeat and three brand-new episodes the Thursday night before a major U.S. holiday. Six weeks and 13 episodes later, the fate of Undateable will rest on how the other summer shows rate with audiences. Who knows if Danny and his gang of misfits will ever achieve dateable status?
In all honesty, I believe the show got better with each week. The writing was a bit on the cookie-cutter-predictable side, but I always found myself giggling when one of the actors delivered a perfectly timed joke. And that happened often. I can’t help but think that if we lived in olden times, when sitcoms were given a whopping 22 episodes to prove themselves worthy of network television, Undateable might not be on death watch. Nowadays, if you’re not trending on some form of social media, you might as well prep your resume for the fall pilot season. #hashtagsruletheworld
I choose to hold on to the hope that Undateable will be back for a second season. It’s mainly because I love the vocal stylings of Brent Morin and am thrilled that there is an entire playlist on Spotify dedicated to Justin.
In the first new episode of the night, we are introduced to Danny and Justin’s neighbor. His name is Kevin, but you can call him Skat. As in the term used to describe when someone sings without any words.
Naturally, Justin is as knowledgeable at skatting as he is with boy-band trivia.
There’s only one problem. The huge, bright light Kevin uses to grow pot in his yard shines directly into his neighbor’s house. Danny wants to confront Kevin with brute force, but Justin would rather appeal to his mellow side. Danny gets down on one knee, tells Justin that his heart wants to be more than roommates, and asks Justin if he will help him destroy their neighbor.
Justin: Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
When Danny steals Kevin’s light, Justin becomes nervous that Kevin will “use knives” to get back at them. This is Detroit. Danny comes home to find Justin having a civil conversation with Kevin. JUDAS!
Danny and Kevin are going to settle this once and for all—karate-style. Both channel their inner tough guy. Danny sticks with his old standby, Vin Diesel, while Kevin chooses Steven Seagal. LET THE FAKE FIGHTING BEGIN!
They stage-fight with zero contact for about two minutes before pooping out on the couch. Danny is mad. He can share a toothbrush with Justin, but Justin won’t have his back in a neighborly fight? (Note: Justin was not aware that they were sharing a toothbrush.) To make it up to him, Justin visits Kevin’s house and creates a skatting diversion while the other guys steal the light again.
The Pants Brothers are back. And what do they do in the second new episode to show that they are brothers for life? They invest in Justin’s bar. Danny and the guys hand Justin a check (Danny had some leftover money from that water-park lawsuit. Career mystery solved!) so he can pay off his loan and buy a TV.
Not so fast, Baby Bird. The team of investors has a few changes they would like to make, and one of them includes renaming the bar. Black Eyes is and always has been lame-o. Danny soon moves a desk into Justin’s office, begins answering the phone and blows up when Justin says getting people into a bar isn’t as easy as he thinks.
In three hours, Danny has filled the bar with 100 people; of course, he turned it into a gay bar, but the cash register is filling up. Instead of being happy, Justin feels like a failure. Danny explains to Justin that he’s never failed at anything because he’s never tried anything. He’s proud of Justin for believing in himself enough to go for it. And it’s time to name the bar after him.
Justin: You want to name the bar Justin’s?
Danny: No. That sounds like an airport steakhouse.
Brett flips a switch and “Baby Bird’s” lights up in neon over the bar. Justin ugly-cries onto Danny’s shoulder. It’s a good day.
Speaking of good days, Justin is gearing up for Nicki’s move back home in the season finale. Danny feels that a set of house rules must be established. There will be no lingerie worn in the living room. Justin explains that it’s just a pair of white silk boxers with little red buttons and lace trim. I laughed.
Back at the bar, Danny has been crunching on a girl for days; of course, Justin thinks that she’s been making eyes at him. When she finally asks to speak to Danny, Justin is mortified because his lucky blazer has apparently lost its magic. The blazer is quickly redeemed when the girl asks Danny if Justin and his girlfriend are serious. Danny answers yes, and the girl is gone in a heartbeat.
Justin pops out of his office on cloud nine and commands that his friends “celebrate in slow motion” as he sings Katy Perry’s “Roar.” It was quite honestly my favorite part of this entire series, and I wish I had a video to show you.
Convinced that he’s a lady’s man now, Justin struts up to every woman with the confidence of a successful accountant. Leslie explains that a man in love is incredibly sexy. Justin is not capable of turning off the charm.
When Danny crashes and burns trying to impress a woman by pretending that he’s ridiculously in love with his girlfriend, Justin explains that you can’t fake love. It’s engrained in you. He uses the example of him trying to find a job for Nicki in Detroit instead of the one she’s going to take in Lansing.
Now that doesn’t sound like a woman who is moving back to Michigan.
Things get even more confusing when Justin mention’s Nicki’s good friend Garry, who used to be a J.Crew model. I don’t care if he can get discounts on khakis for Justin. Something is shady!
Danny explains his suspicions to Justin. Justin assumes that Danny is jealous because for once, he has something Danny doesn’t have: a loving relationship. Danny thinks Justin is crazy. There’s only one way to settle this like men: a dance-off in the living room.
Back at the bar, Justin learns that all his friends think that Nicki isn’t coming back. To prove them wrong, he calls Nicki and puts her on speaker. In the conversation, we learn that Garry is gay, and Nicki is indeed not coming back. Justin is devastated. Brett is super-excited.
Justin tells Danny he just wants to be sad and watch his movie. Danny realizes that he needs to be there for his friend, and even offers an open arm for Justin to snuggle up into his neck. This lasts for about two seconds before they settle into their sides of the couch to watch a movie about inner-city violence, lust and murder.
Danny: Sounds great. Why is there so much dancing?
Justin: Oh, it’s West Side Story. There’s a lot of dancing.
Justin: You are pale. It’s like somebody scribbled a bunch of chest hair on a glass of milk.
Justin: You started a turf war, Danny. I know what happens. People sing, then they dance and then they die.
Justin: I have good news!
Danny: The guy from One Direction wrote you back?
Justin [disappointed]: No.
Danny: If you had one wish, what would it be? And no, you can’t be an understudy in The Book of Mormon.
Leslie: What’s it called when a guy does the walk of shame?
Shelly: I call it skipping to breakfast.
Shelly: Somebody call Al Gore. The Internet’s broken.
Ratings from the sexual performance app StudScore:
Brett: Danny got an 8.
Danny: Are you sure it wasn’t an 8 on the side? The symbol for infinity?
Undateable on NBC