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'The West Wing' newbie recap: I drink from the keg of glory

Season 1 | Episode 2 | “Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc” | Aired Sept. 29, 1999

Thank you all for your enthusiasm over West Wing Wednesdays! I’m especially tickled by those of you expressing wistfulness for the opportunity to watch this show for the first time. I’m excited, too.

Episode 2 opens with generic late ’90s rock, a BMW convertible and a woman honking like an overly caffeinated chimpanzee. It’s Toe Pick, of course. Not content with mere noise pollution, she escalates to pedestrian endangerment, driving over the curb and Dukes of Hazzard-ing it out of her car to yell at a man in a business suit.

Toe Pick is livid because she quiYellingt her fancy job to help get that suit-wearing man, Sen. Lloyd Russell, get elected President, and he returned the favor by killing a bill that would’ve generated the necessary momentum for a chance at the nomination.

In fact, Toe Pick is so upset, she whips off her chunky late-’90s high heel and threatens to kill him with it. I think she’s supposed to come across as fiery and passionate here, but she actually seems a little unhinged. I would edge away from this woman if I saw her in public.

Back at the West Wing, Josh is gloating about this victory over Russell, announcing, “I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.” Josh throws my kind of party.

Also serving snacks in a commendable manner is Mrs. Landingham (Kathryn Joosten), who denies Toby a cookie from the jar on her desk, then cheerfully offers one to Sam. Heh. It’s petty, and I like it.

Today, during the dream team’s meeting, the subject of why the President lost Texas during the election comes up. Was it because of a bad joke he made about funny hats? President Bartlet doesn’t think so, and he intones the Latin phrase of this episode’s title.Also side eye

After Josh vomits up some disconnected words in his attempt at a guess, Leo smoothly steps in to translate: “After it, therefore because of it.” He then shoots Josh some excellent side-eye.

The President argues that just because the loss followed the Texas hat joke, that’s not when they lost Texas. So when did they lose it? “When you learned to speak Latin,” C.J. offers.

We’ve come to the crisis du jour: The Vice President (Tim Matheson) took a veiled jab at the President via the press, and C.J. swings by to get him back on message. He blows her off in a spectacularly dismissive fashion, but she covers for him when Leo asks her about it.

And it’s now time for the President’s medical checkup, which is being done by Capt. Morris Tolliver. Bartlet gushes over a photo of Tolliver’s 10-day-old baby and beautiful wife. This is the first time we get a good look at the real reason the President won the White House. He’s charming and warm and even a little vulnerable, opening up to Tolliver about his discomfort with the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

“I’m not comfortable with violence,” he finally admits. “I know this country has enemies, but I don’t feel violent toward any of them.”

Tolliver advises the President to let the chiefs get to know him, and then the men make plans for another appointment once Tolliver returns from a weeklong Naval mission to Jordan.

Wait, Tolliver’s got a 10-day-old baby, he has the President’s ear, and he’s leaving for Jordan in two hours? I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Goose.

We cut to Toe Pick’s office, where she’s broken the news to her coworker that they’ve lost their only client. Hey, it’s Francie from Alias (Merrin Dungey)! Something tells me I’m going to like her lots more than Toe Pick, but that she’ll only have a fraction of the screen time. Anyway, they’re drinking wine out of paper cups and bemoaning the death of their new business. Toe Pick can’t stop talking: “I’m accomplished and brilliant. And yet, look how cute I am!” I … I don’t think that was intended to be self-deprecating.

Unfortunately, the Administration has decided they need a media consultant and that Toe Pick is right for the job, despite Josh protesting that she used to be his girlfriend. (Man, Sorkin loves making his characters work with their exes, doesn’t he?)

OvercoatsSo Josh interrupts the paper-cup pity party to announce that they’re hired. Toe Pick responds by hitting him hard in the arm. She is the worst, and she’s retroactively diminishing my love for The Cutting Edge, which I didn’t think was possible.

The three of them leave for a celebratory dinner, and Josh and Toe Pick put on matching enormous ’90s trench coats. This is the first time I understand how they worked as a couple.

Oh dear. Leo is meeting with the Vice President to call him on his recent statements. The veep accuses C.J. of tattling, but Leo brushes it off, calling her a “good girl.” Um, excuse me? This isn’t Take Your Daughter to Work Day, Leo. He assured the veep that this “good girl” (who is a grown woman in a crucial, high-pressure job) speaks with the full authority of the office of the President, then threatens the veep’s job. Never anger Leo.

Ugh, let’s get through this next part quickly. Sam has hovers like a gnat outside of Josh and then Toby’s office, eventually blurting out that he slept with a call girl. Both men are (rightfully) horrified at the possible repercussions for the administration, and at Sam’s obvious desire to “save her.” Preach, guys.

So Sam decides to interrupt Laurie the high-class call girl’s “business” dinner. Her date for the night knows that Sam works at the White House, and Sam in turn threatens to call the assistant U.S. state’s attorney to bust up this little party. This is the worst decision anyone has ever made in the history of anything.

Laurie storms out, hollering that Sam should’ve taken the hint when she didn’t return his four phone calls. She is not wrong. But Sam is persistent, telling her he just wants to discuss his day with her, warning her that she’ll never be admitted to the bar if she’s busted for solicitation, and then announcing, “I’ve decided to become a good friend of yours.”

Lady, get out your pepper spray. This is not a grand gesture. This is creepy. However, Laurie must be hypnotized by Sam’s blue eyes, because she agrees to have a drink with him, and they walk off arm in arm.

Wow, that’s a terrible message to send about appropriate courtship techniques. I think Sam is supposed to come off as charming and romantic in the same way that Toe Pick is supposed to be brilliant and fiery. Unfortunately, both of them seem like people who will soon be arrested for stalking, assault and/or vehicular homicide.

Extreme tone shift: It’s now 3:35 a.m., and Morris Tolliver is dead after his Air Force transport was destroyed by the Syrian defense ministry. (The more things change, huh?)

The President can barely contain his fury, and he tells Leo, “I am not frightened. I am going to blow them off the face of the Earth with God’s own thunder.” Leo’s concerned expression tells us that this wasn’t necessarily a welcome step in the President’s evolution. In this case, it seems as though “post hoc, ergo propter hoc” is just that.

The camera fades out as the President picks up the phone to call Tolliver’s wife.

Telephone

We end on a down note, but you know what might help? Bringing me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.

 

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" title="Tweet"><span>Tweet</span></a></li><li class="share-email"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="" class="share-email sd-button 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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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