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'Derek' recap: The case of the missing inheritance

Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired Feb 13, 2013 (UK Channel 4)

The party is over, the cake has been eaten and the characters are well established. Through the first three shows, the only hanging mystery is Hannah and Tom’s relationship status. Are they serious, are they messing around, or is it simple flirtation? We’ve seen arms around waists and quiet whispers, but in episode 4, it all comes to an uncomfortable head.

We open with the usual day in/day out of the rest home. As Douglas (Karl Pilkington) fixes a table with Derek (Ricky Gervais) looking on, Kev (David Earl) walks in with his new squeeze, a large woman with an appetite for our creepy friend (no mean pun intended). Kev proclaims they’ve up all night doing some “nonstop body rock.” Very proud of himself, Kev goes into disgusting detail, but then again, what else would you possibly expect him to do?

Gross Kev Moment #1: Eight words: “Hand pump after hand pump after hand pump.” Yeesh.

Next, we watch as Derek hangs outside with Doug and Kev. Derek finds a toad that Kev, in a moment of pure assholery, convinces him to lick. Derek does so, gags a bit and, as he runs to drop it, finds an injured bird in the bushes. Ignoring Doug’s advice to leave it alone, Derek grabs the little guy and rushes him to Hannah (Kerry Godliman). Desperate to find some help for it, Derek begs Hannah to call the ASPCA. Hannah again suggests that Derek put it back, but he dismisses the idea as sickening and runs off. Hannah clearly feels bad, but Doug, in a pure Doug moment, declares Derek is in a dream world. Why care for a “scruffy old bird” when the home is chock full of them? He’s brutal, but at least he’s consistent.

Derek - S1 - E4 - BirdAfter a minute, Derek sits down, bird still in hand, when we hear sirens in the distance. It’s clear what’s going on: Derek has called 911 to come to the rescue. Shocked, Hannah asks what he’s going to do when the paramedics arrive. Derek simply answers, “Tell the truth.” Luckily, Derek has friends in the home. Just as the paramedics arrive and start asking questions, Arthur (one of the residents) pipes up and says he called for an ambulance because he wasn’t feeling well. Arthur gives Derek a quick wink and hits us with an old-fashioned good feeling. As they leave, Derek still asks about the bird. The paramedic informs him it’s already dead. From good vibes to gut punch in the space of two seconds. Thanks, Derek!

In the next scene, Hannah is sitting with another resident when Tom walks in to take her to lunch. Hannah cancels, saying she’s too busy but will see him again later. A touch annoyed, Tom leaves. In the confessional, Hannah admits she’s been blowing him off a lot lately, but defends herself, saying it’s part of the job. She still recognizes it’s not fair to him, but it’s a “what can you do” situation.

Meanwhile, Derek and the boys are preparing for a jumble sale (“garage sale” for us Yanks) to help raise money for the home. As Derek makes cupcakes, he panics a bit, saying Hannah told him to never use the scale he’s using. Why? Kev at one point weighed his “knob” on it, which leads us to …

Gross Kev Moment #2: Ten words: “Eight ounces of purrre blood sausage. Comin’ right at you.” Double yeesh.

After the private-part moment, we watch as Douglas walks around the residents’ rooms looking for knickknacks to sell at the jumble sale. It’s tough to watch him raid the rooms without any regard for who’s living there, but he justifies it by saying, “It’s all shit. Shit in every room. I haven’t been in that room yet, but I know there’ll be shit in there. I mean they bought it, so somebody else might, but it’s all shit.” Problem is, he throws something important into the bag: Derek’s favorite froggie statue. Cue dramatic music!

Derek - S1 - E4 - Doug's Prizes for the jumble saleBack in the day room, we meet the main villain of the episode, Shelly, an entitled ass of a woman “visiting” her mother, Marge. As several of the residents shuffle off to the jumble sale, Shelly proclaims she’d never shop there. Everything new. All she’s concerned with is inheriting Marge’s ring. Marge, clearly annoyed by her obsession, tells the adorable story of how her late husband sold his car to buy it for her. Shelly, the “gobby cow,” could care less, prompting Doug to vent his frustration to the camera. He’d prefer Marge sell it rather than give it to Shelly. Sell it, get some cash, and enjoy the time she has left.

In the next scene, Tom arrives to take Hannah to dinner, and things get heated as she cancels again. Tom expresses his frustration with her, but the two, in muffled earshot of the residents, agree to meet the next day for dinner reservations. Tom is clearly annoyed, but Hannah isn’t sure what to do. It’s obvious her heart is split between her job and Tom — a very tough position to be in.

Derek - S1 - E4 - Tom and hannah 2Afterward, Derek returns from the jumble sale with a new acquisition: the froggie Doug tried to sell! Not knowing Doug tossed it in the bag, Derek bought it to keep his other frog company. Doug desperately tries to explain there was (could possibly be) only one ceramic frog, but Derek can’t understand. I imagine it’s beyond Derek’s sense of right and wrong to imagine someone would throw away his frog, even though Doug is adamant it’s a piece of junk.

The next day arrives and Hannah happily gets herself together to meet Tom, only an hour late. While she’s gone, Marge isn’t doing well. After the attending orderly gives Hannah a ring, she arrives with Tom, obviously dressed for a nice dinner. She tries to explain to Tom about the situation and as Tom leaves, Derek says, “See you later.” Tom’s response? Maybe.

Hannah rushes to Marge’s room. Marge asks her why she’s there and not with Tom. When Hannah replies he had left, Marge wisely says, “Go after him, then.” They share a sadly sweet moment when Marge simply states, “You came back because you thought I would die.” Hannah spends her evening reading Marge stories and tabloids.

The Tom Rules and This Had Better Work Out Moment: Tom walks into the room with takeout, saying, “I thought I would bring the restaurant to you.” When Derek walks in wanting some, he has no problem sharing. Gotta love Tom!

When Hannah leaves to get a cup of tea, Marge gets down to brass tacks with Tom and asks when he’s going to marry Hannah. Tom laughs and says they’ve only been going out a bit, to which Marge balks and says, “You’ve had your bit. Now marry her.” Tom explains he doesn’t have any money to do so and, in a glorious gesture of generosity, Marge removes her ring and gives it to Tom. He, of course, refuses to take it, but she insists. In her words, “I’m not giving it to you. I’m giving it to Hannah”.

Cure the heartrending montage of old pictures, Tom and Hannah kissing and Shelly’s mom slowly passing away.

Sad, Sweet Derek Monologue Moment: “I can’t stand it. I loves working here, but I’m always sad. I’m going to stay, though, while people are still alive. I mean, when they’re dead, they won’t be sad anymore. I’d rather be sad than anyone else.”

The next morning, Shelly arrives with her husband to pick up her mom’s ring. To hell with the rest of her stuff: The ring’s the thing. When Shelly can’t find it in Marge’s stuff, she flips. Derek, who was there for the whole exchange, lets them know she gave it to Tom. Hannah calls Tom to have him come by. When he does, he’s caught in a tough situation. With a dumbfounded look, he explains the situation, and in a moment of weakness admits, “If it ever happens, we can get another one, so here you go.” Damn you, Tom! Think it, don’t say it!

And then the hot mess hits the fan. After Derek protests it’s not fair, Shelly wonders if he should even be working there. Tom has to hold Hannah back from giving her a neck chop, but the day is saved, again, by the wonderfully sarcastic Doug. Our beloved handyman reminds her she could care less about her mom, asks her if the dumb ring fits and politely tells her to fuck off. Don’t worry about the box of memories from your mom’s life. Take your stupid ring and beat it. While the send-off doesn’t have quite the punch of earlier episodes, it’s nice to see someone voice what we are all feeling.

Derek - S1 - E4 - F OffAs the episode winds down, Hannah is clearly upset at Tom’s gaffe and goes back to work, which prompts:

Gross Kev Moment #3: Kev congratulates Tom on giving Hannah the brush, saying it’s best to be a Lone Ranger, “roaming the land with your trusty six-gun in your pants, shooting whatever you want.”

Oddly Enlightening Kev Moment: When Tom snaps at Kev and ask him if he’s ever been with a normal, non-druggie, nonalcoholic, attractive, sentient woman, Kev replies, “We can’t all be that fussy, mate.” The man is disgusting, but that quick moment of desperate admission shows a hidden shame in who he is. Kev’s a pig, but he’s still human.

The piano plays, the credits roll and, despite Doug’s lovely piss-off to Shelly, things feel less than settled. The home not only lost a friend; it lost a battle between good and evil. Shelly got the ring, Hannah got the brush and Derek has to settle with one ceramic frog. Things are looking choppy going into episode 5, so here’s hope the seas calm down.

Until next time, kids. #BeLikeDerek.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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