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'Undateable' recap: Going full 'Shawshank'

Season 1 | Episode 9 | “Low Hanging Fruit” | Aired June 26, 2014

Danny is one month into his “friendship” with Sabrina, and it’s time for Justin to be blackmailed into participating as an extra in their sexcapade down at the O.K. Corral. Justin doesn’t mind so much. He’s pretty excited that Danny seems to be taking things more seriously with Sabrina. He concludes that his wholesome, healthy relationship with Nicki must be rubbing off on Danny. He even offers to give Sabrina a job as a waitress so Danny can see more of her, as well as to help her out financially while she’s in graduate school.

Hold up, Baby Bird. Danny just wants a casual relationship. If he gets anywhere near something that could be considered serious, he self-sabotages. Justin ignores this diagnosis completely and sends anniversary flowers to Sabrina from Danny. Sabrina is elated. This loving, compassionate gesture must mean that Danny is in it for the long haul! What a relief. So is Sabrina! I’m not sure how she missed the vein in Danny’s head about to pop.

Justin explains to Danny that he must have kept Sabrina around because she’s different than all the others. Danny tells him that she has a unique understanding of how handsome he is, and Justin advises that’s worth putting his heart inside her, among other things. All he has to do is listen and commit to the process, because doing nothing is just another form of self-sabotage. He needs to get busy living or get busy dying.

Considering that quote was from the “best non-animated movie” of all time, Danny was ready to go full Shawshank Redemption in this relationship!

The next day at the bar, Danny is physically cracking under the pressure of having to listen to Sabrina drone on for three hours (read: 10 minutes) about her day. He blames Justin for freaking him out, and he storms home, ditching Sabrina in the bathroom.

Justin takes it upon himself to escort a blindfolded Sabrina back to the house, pretending that Danny had to leave, because he had to prepare for their special night full of candlelight and rose petals. Danny looks mortified when another girl emerges from his room, just as Sabrina is ripping off the blindfold. Sabrina is done.

Danny blames Justin for meddling. Justin calls him a coward. Sabrina comes into the bar and is literally trapped by an actual wall of dorks when she tries to leave during Danny’s apology speech. Although he admits that he is not good at relationships, he still wants to keep trying. Sabrina confesses that she was hurt and is unwilling to be Danny’s relationship training wheels.

Justin applauds Danny for putting himself out there, knowing that the next time the opportunity arises, he’ll be ready. He feels like Geppetto when Pinocchio became a real boy. Then Justin reveals that he hired Sabrina as a waitress. I’m sure this will call for an addendum to the Pants Brotherhood code of conduct.

In other news, there comes a certain day when a man decides it’s time to name his penis. For Brett, that day is today.

UndateableLeslie brings in a baby-naming book and tosses out Liam, Finn and Lance. Not wanting to sound like the “gayest boy band ever,” Brett chooses another name, and although it is not revealed to the viewing audience, we learn that it is quite a mouthful. Pause for laughter. Leslie becomes very emotional since she feels responsible for Brett’s penis. She makes him promise to tell her if he meets any new friends.

Now there’s a sentence I never thought I would type.

Undateable Quotables

Leslie: Remember in college how we used to stay up late and dream of me being divorced and you being broke? We did it, Sabrina!
Sabrina: Dreams do come true!

Justin: You go full Shawshank! I want you to tunnel out of that emotional prison one spoonful at a time.

Danny: Instead of calling you Baby Bird, I’m going to call you cilantro. Because you ruin everything.

Danny: What’s does Nicki call yours?
Justin: It’s private.
Danny: Come on, Baby Bird … wait, is it Baby Bird?
Shelly: Oh, it is now!

Undateable, rated TV-14, airs Thursdays at 9/8 C on NBC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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