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'Jennifer Falls' recap: I only wanna be with you, and you, and you

Season 1 | Episode 4 | “The Virginity Thief” | Aired June 25, 2014

Nobody likes a stroll down memory lane better than I do, and this week Jennifer Falls sweetened the pot with Steve Howey (Shameless, Reba) as Jennifer’s and Dina’s high school … ahem … friend.

Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.22.01 AMWhen Gretchen finds Jennifer’s yearbook tucked away in the closet (as well as evidence of Jennifer’s membership to the 420 club), the ladies start to reminisce about their high school days. Things we need to know: Jennifer had “the Rachel” haircut six months before Jennifer Aniston did, and Dina didn’t mind the short shorts as captain of the basketball team. As they look over the yearbook, Jennifer remembers Frank Perinsky (Steve Howey) as the quiet charmer she lost her virginity to the summer after sophomore year.

Apparently that was a busy summer for everybody, because as Jennifer muses over her and Frank’s promise not to tell anyone because it would  “lose the magic,” Dina reveals that Frank was her first as well. As the ladies talk, it becomes clear they both slept with Frank at the same Fourth of July party: before the fireworks. The weird-out quotient of the episode skyrockets at this revelation, and the ladies recognize the need to avenge their V.

As any sane pair of friends would do, they begin to pound shots and plot a wildly implausible revenge scheme. One drunk cab ride later, they turn up at Frank’s house to avenge their high school selves. They begin to toss cherries at his window, because, well … you know. And when that doesn’t work, Jennifer heaves a garden Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.27.57 AMgnome through the window.

Lucy and Ethel would have been proud at the high jinks that ensued as Frank comes to his door to find the ladies too drunk to make a proper getaway. At least Jennifer talked Dina out of pooping in the bushes. Wait, no, she didn’t.

Frank turns up at the bar the next day (Jennifer left evidence of her identity at the scene), and he seems like a perfect gentleman. Howey could probably the charm the Queen out of her knickers with that grin-and-eyebrow combination, so it is no surprise that Jennifer says yes when he asks her out for dinner. Even though she and Dina made a pact to hate him, Frank is pretty irresistible — all contrite and winky like that. I might have had a hard time saying no as well.

Frank and Jennifer go to dinner, and just when you start to think he might be a good guy, we realize he’s seeing them both, again. He encourages them both not to tell the other, earning those douchebag horns (also known as frosted tips) he sported in high school, and then Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.33.41 AMuses the friends to gather intel about each other. Dina likes candy corn — it’s her “favorite vegetable” — and Jennifer likes pepperoni sticks. Nobody on Jennifer Falls is worried about their cholesterol, or diabetes, for that matter.

It doesn’t take the ladies long to figure out what’s going on, and with a little help from the Hootie and the Blowfish classic “I Only Wanna Be with You,” the ladies realize what’s been happening. Without much discussion, Jennifer and Dina decide the only thing to do is to go to his sporting goods store’s event and make a scene. It’s only fair that since he ruined their grand opening, they should ruin his.Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.38.49 AM

“Ruin” might be an understatement, as Jennifer and Dina lure him into his office with the promise of a threeway, then force him onto the showroom, naked. Public humiliation is not enough for these tough cookies, so they announced that every item in the store is free for the next 10 minutes. I don’t think we are going to be seeing much more of Frank in the coming episodes.

Worth mentioning this week is the game of emotional blackmail between Wayne and Maggie. When Stephanie loses the stone from her ring, the couple discovers that the family heirloom is a fake. When they confront Maggie, she confesses to giving them a replica because she didn’t know if the relationship would last and she didn’t want the ring to wind up “in some pawn shop in Reno.”

Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.39.48 AMMaggie feels guilty enough, so Wayne decides to use her guilt to earn cash and/or prizes, just like on The Price Is Right. When Maggie presents them with a trip to Hawaii, Wayne balks. Everybody knows you don’t accept the first showcase because the second showcase always has the car. But Maggie won’t be duped, and when their standoff comes to a head, she hints there might be a second, more valuable gift on the table. Wayne jumps at this, and Maggie reveals it’s a poem. Check and mate.


What do you think about Jennifer’s and Dina’s romantic choices so far? Who would make the perfect boyfriend for her and Dina? Anybody hoping for a My Name Is Earl reunion like I am?

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TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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