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Daytime Emmys 2014 recap: Off the grid and off the wall

For the first time since 1984, the Daytime Emmys weren’t broadcast on any network. (In the previous instance, NBC refused to air a two-hour long infomercial for ABC’s then-unbeatable juggernaut lineup. My, how times change.) For the first time ever, the ceremonies were live-streamed, complete with host Kathy Griffin’s unbleeped opening F-bombs.

Let the new, “hip” and “edgy” Daytime Emmys begin!

And the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor goes to … Eric Martsolf as Brady on Days of Our Lives! Streaming the Emmys may be an executive attempt to attract a younger audience (because everyone knows teens are the ones buying their family’s toothpaste, soap and dishwashing detergent), but playing the classic DOOL theme as Eric goes up to collect his statue brings on warm fuzzies of nostalgia. He thanks his wife for being right (she told him to write a speech) and his parents for not making him be a lawyer. He also tells his kids to stop playing Minecraft and watch Daddy’s “This is important!” award, then praises DOOL for taking a chance on a “boy from Passions.” Which doesn’t seem to be a compliment to Passions.

Amelia Heinle wins Outstanding Supporting Actress as Victoria on The Young & the Restless. She admits to being terrified of taking on a role previously played by Heather Tom (a past Emmy winner for Outstanding Younger Actress, Outstanding Supporting Actress and two in a row for Outstanding Lead Actress). Heather is also nominated again tonight for Lead Actress. Which might have been one of the reasons Amelia submitted herself in Supporting.

Blah, blah, blah, cooking shows, legal shows, game shows, talk shows (and Katie Couric is a no-show).

Y&R wins for Outstanding Writing Team, and the head writer thanks everyone who tells them what they’re doing wrong each Monday morning. I’m not certain if she means network executives or fans, but this can only encourage them both.

The Outstanding Directing Team winner is a bit of an upset, as One Life to Live takes home the gold. This show was canceled by ABC, revived by Prospect Park on the web, then canceled again (no, sorry, it’s technically “on hiatus”). This time, they don’t play the classic theme song, opting instead for the modern version penned by Snoop Lion (really). Jill Mitwell, who directed the first episode and established the show’s look, makes a sweet speech, revealing that many on her team are veterans of gone-but-not-forgotten Another World, Guiding Light and more. Aw, there go the warm fuzzies again.

Kathy Griffin decides to go full balls to the wall by spilling scandalous gossip … from 20 years ago. Now that everyone knows and it doesn’t matter in the slightest, she reveals that All My Children’s oft-nominated Susan Lucci hated then costar Sarah Michelle Geller and had her fired after Geller won an Emmy. Maybe later she’ll spoil that Angel is really a vampire.

Outstanding Younger Actress goes to Y&R’s Hunter King (Summer), who makes a cute, modest speech while pretending everyone in the room isn’t thinking about The Incident. Also, her mom is a cancer survivor, which is vital data to be shared at all awards shows. (No disrespect to cancer survivors, but what does it have to do with shiny gold trophies?)

Outstanding Younger Actor is a surprise only in that now-three-time winner from DOOL Chandler Massey is introduced with a clip featuring his replacement on the show. “Wow, did you see my reel?” he quips. “That was awesome!” Great save, dude (great job, editors)! The speech then proceeds to go downhill as he sets a Daytime Emmys record for most number of “ums.”

Mo Rocca begs Melody Thomas Scott for a role on Y&R. Doesn’t he know her husband isn’t the producer anymore?

Blah, blah, blah, morning shows …

The current Y&R producer (pay attention, Mo) accepts the Emmy for Specials on the life of Jeanne Cooper (Kay) by observing that Jeanne “probably would rather have been here.” And, you know, not dead.

Blah, blah, blah, Spanish programming, entertainment news, Sharon Osbourne seems to think the show isn’t being broadcast at all.

Outstanding Lead Actor Billy Miller (ex-Billy, Y&R) gives a shout-out to the Texas Scottish Rite Children’s Hospital, where he was once a patient for five years. Clearly, they do good work.

And Eileen Davidson (Kristen, DOOL) snags the final acting award of the night, for Outstanding Lead Actress. This is only a few days after announcing that she’s signed a long-term contract with Y&R (where she first started back in 1982).

More nostalgia music as Donna Mills (Madeline, GH) sashays onto the stage (doubtful she knows any other way to walk) to the Knots Landing theme, name-drops her first daytime role (Rocket on The Secret Storm) and gives out two awards.

First, Venice wins for Outstanding Drama Series — New Approaches, which is picked up by soap vet Crystal Chappell (DOOL, OLTL, GL, B&B), flanked by Hillary B. Smith (OLTL, ATWT, The Doctors), Katherine Kelly Lang (B&B) and Galen Garing (DOOL, Passions). Then the Emmy for Outstanding Daytime Drama goes to … Y&R!

EP Phelps thanks her favorite studio exec, the writers, the directors and then, as has happened to her almost every time she picks up an award at the end of the night, she gets cut off.

Christian LeBlanc (Michael, Y&R) takes a selfie with the cast and crew on the stage.

Cut to shot of tables. Then nothing. I guess the broadcast is over?

What did you think of the Daytime Emmys on the web? And what did you think of the winners? Do we dare even mention the pre-show?

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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