Season 1 | Episode 8 | “The Julius Effect” | Aired June 19, 2014
I laughed a lot during this episode. The entire Undateable cast seemed to be on point, and the writers finally gave Bianca Kajlich a juicy storyline that revolved around her soon-to-be-ex-husband, Julius. I may have squealed when Josh Hopkins (alum of the Bill Lawrence School of Awesome, most notably as Grayson from Cougar Town) breezed into the bar to pick a fight with Danny.
After giving Julius the Val Kilmer/Iceman tooth chomp from Top Gun, Danny faced off with his nemesis. And by faced off, I mean they were literally face-to-face, nose-to-nose, spouting insults at each other. Brett was the only one rooting for them to kiss.
Back at Danny’s house, Leslie vents to her brother while sitting on “the couch of tears,” telling Justin that Danny was the one who introduced her to Julius in the first place. Julius was Danny’s best friend who taught him how to close the deal with a girl using only puckered lips and a cocked eyebrow. A quick demonstration had Justin giggling like a schoolgirl.
Danny swears that Julius is dead to him as Leslie leaves. When the door closes behind her, Justin compliments Danny for being a supportive brother. On cue, Julius appears from Danny’s bedroom. He’s delighted that Justin actually looks and behaves like a small, adorable Baby Bird, and promises to let him ride on his shoulder if they become bros.
The Top Gun scene was just an act. Danny and Julius have remained friends and are clueless why this infuriates Justin. What about honor? What about respect? What about a serenade of “Don’t Stop Believin’” with Julius on lead guitar?
Approximately four bars are strummed before Justin jumps in the deep end of that musical pool. He’s an official Julius groupie.
The next day, Danny earns an ear flick from Burski for being a bad brother. He defends himself by saying Justin likes Julius too, based on the evidence of a West Side Story sing-along from the night before. Danny makes the group swear they will not tell Leslie anything.
But will the boys be able to lie to Leslie? Brett has been doing it for years, so that’s not a problem. Shelly can claim marijuana ignorance. And no one listens to Burski anyway. That leaves one person: Baby Bird. Justin must be the secret keeper.
Leslie walks into the bar and everyone begins acting suspicious. It’s Justin’s wild hand gestures and random tangent about Julius’ Adam’s apple that lead him to inevitable truth-telling. The beans are officially spilled: Julius is still friends with Danny.
Later Danny and Justin head over to Leslie’s house (new set alert!) and see that she’s visibly tormented over Danny and Julius’ friendship. She’s wandering around in a bathrobe. Her hair is disheveled. Her ex-husband is standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist?
This is what the millennials refer to as backsliding.
Justin warns Danny that he has a choice to make. He can either let his friends console his sister with glasses of chardonnay and back rubs, or he can break up with Julius for good. Annoyed with Justin’s wisdom, Danny tells Julius it’s over. GROUP HUG EVERYONE!
The second story arc was a bit convoluted, but it did feature Justin wearing cropped yoga pants and Shelly with a samurai sword. Apparently Shelly’s dream girl is dream cheating on him. When Danny makes fun, Shelly promises to get into his head. Justin wonders if Danny’s dreams are full of faceless girls and Fonzie posters, but we soon learn that his dream world consists of Shelly stabbing Julius and then coming after him. He apologizes to Shelly and Shelly sets him free.
If Shelly controlled my dreams, I would ask him to conjure up Julius in that towel with his guitar. Don’t stop believin’, folks.
Danny: You’re like a guy who can pull off a ponytail. You don’t exist.
Justin: It’s not our abilities that show who we really are. It’s the choices that we make.
Julius: Who’s quoting Dumbledore out here? Are you a fan? We should play Quidditch sometime.
Danny: Even Justin likes Julius.
Justin: That’s not true.
Danny: You guys sang half of West Side Story together.
Justin: That was a beautiful 45-minute slipup.
Justin: Friends aren’t supposed to lie for each other. They are supposed to help each other become better people.
Danny: I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be 100 percent honest. Are you a Care Bear?
Leslie: You are the best little brother in the whole world. I’m so glad Mom didn’t let me put you in the microwave.
Undateable, rated TV-14, airs Thursdays at 9/8 C on NBC.