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Image Credit: Sandro/NBC

Pirate TV: 5 current swashbuckling favorites

TV’s bad boys and girls du jour seem to be naughty, nasty, haughty pirates. With Crossbones taking the week off to accommodate the Stanley Cup Final, we thought we’d review a few of the pirates you can find in current shows:

1. Blackbeard, Crossbones (NBC)
Crossbones: Blackbeard (NBC)Actor: John Malkovich
The story: Edward Teach acts as an unofficial governor on the island of Santa Compana in 1729 and goes by the title “Commodore.” The island serves as home to pirates, outlaws and outcasts, as well as headquarters for Teach to spin his reputation as one of the West Indies’ most fearsome pirates.
Official site: Crossbones

Black Sails: Gates, Flint, Billy, Silver (Starz)2. Captain Flint, Captain Charles Vane, John Silver, Anne Bonny and others, Black Sails (Starz)
Actors: Toby Stephens, Zach McGowan, Luke Arnold, Clara Paget
The story: In 1715, a coterie of pirate captains control New Providence Island, over which violent and manipulative Captain Flint of the Walrus seeks to rule. Opportunist John Silver regularly thwarts Flint’s best-laid plans, while unstable Captain Vane challenges Flint’s dominance from the helm of his own profitable ship, the Ranger. Vane’s crew includes the infamous female pirate Anne Bonny.
Official site: Black Sails

Once Upon a Time: Emma, Hook (ABC)3. Captain Hook, Once Upon a Time (ABC)
Actor: Colin O’Donoghue
The story: The legendary villain of J. M. Barrie’s classic Peter Pan, Hook is reimagined here as something of a hopeless romantic, with a rich backstory, a rather active love life and ongoing adventures with the fairy tale inhabitants of Storybrooke.
Official site: Once Upon a Time

Game of Thrones: Salladhor Saan (HBO)4. Salladhor Saan, Game of Thrones (HBO)
Actor: Lucian Msamati
The story: Saan is a longtime pirating associate of Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham), the on-and-off Hand to throne-claimant Stannis Barratheon (Stephen Dillane). Saan can be relied upon for — well, not much if he won’t profit from it. That said, he does come through for Ser Davos more than once.
Official site: Game of Thrones

Defiance: Rynn, Sukar (Syfy)5. Spirit Riders, Defiance (Syfy)
Actors: Noah Danby, Tiio Horn and others
The story: In the world of 2047, alien races have shared the planet with humans for over 30 years. The Spirit Riders are a gang of Irathient outlaws that once reaved through the Badlands, but then form an uneasy truce with humans and fellow aliens in the town of Defiance.
Official site: Defiance

Any real or fictional pirates you think deserve TV treatment? Which film or TV pirates are your favorites?


TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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