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Image Credit: Justin Lubin/NBC

'Undateable' recap: Live out loud

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “My Hero Is Me” | Aired June 12, 2014

It’s episode 5, and we open with the mentor congratulating his Baby Bird on scoring with the beautiful woman making breakfast in the kitchen. One “undateable” down. Three to go. NBC had better slow down with all the wonderful dating advice, or they will have to change all of their marketing materials for the fall lineup.

Burski is irritated that Justin no longer hangs out with his boys and wonders when the catchphrase became “hoes before bros.” Danny gently explains to the guys that Justin is dealing with something they don’t understand — a sex life. Brett seems to be the only one not comprehending the magnitude of this statement, so Danny puts it into a different perspective. Would he ditch the fellas if a Spartan from 300 needed help washing his abs? Brett yields. Point taken.

Back at the house, Danny makes fun of Justin for staying home to watch movies with Nicki. Justin retorts, “Why do you care? You’re here with your girlfriend!”


Justin feels sorry for Danny. Baby Bird is not whipped. Baby Bird can do what he wants. And he wants to tell Nicki that he loves her.

Of course, Nicki walks up in her cutie pajamas at that exact same moment with a look of sheer terror on her face. Caught in the moment, she answers, “Cool.”

It’s time for damage control.

Danny tries to fix the situation using a very visual analogy about a bird and a cat. Ironically, Baby Bird was the cat, and Nicki was the bird. There was some counseling on how to ignore the bird, but the lesson ended with the cat eating the winged creature. I was lost. Justin wasn’t interested. He’s not scared. He lives out loud. And if he wanted, he would ask Nicki to move in with him.

Cue Nicki walking up at that exact moment. Eyes wide. Sheer terror. Take two.

Justin: “Someone put a bell on that girl!” (Best line of the night.)

Later Nicki asks Justin for some alone time to talk. Assuming that she is going to profess her undying love for him, Justin makes a big production of telling Danny to watch, as he leaves the bar using his best cocky walk. This included a well-timed pivot and finger guns, which distract him enough to cause a graceful trip on the stairs. He owned the fall. Because he was falling in love.

Justin arranges his cell phone to capture this moment on video forever. But instead of dropping the three little words he wants to hear, Nicki tells him she’s leaving Detroit to go take care of her mother. CUT!

Danny instructs Justin to bury the feelings and move on with his life, but Justin is too scared that he will never find someone like Nicki again. Danny fills him with enough encouragement that by the end of the conversation, Justin is convinced he could date a model, a dancer or that chick from The Good Wife.

Leslie is disappointed to hear that Danny gave his Baby Bird such bad advice. How is Danny supposed to know what love is? Clearly it’s a battlefield. And he would know that if he had dated anyone longer than a month.

Danny finds Justin moping on the couch, watching his broken-heart video on his phone and singing Meatloaf’s epic anthem “I Would Do Anything for Love.” He commands his protege to go down to the bar and tell Nicki how he feels. Justin doesn’t move, but instead mumbles broken lyrics to his phone. Danny threatens to pick him up and drag him to the bar. Justin’s low center of gravity proves Danny to be a weakling. He may do anything for love, but he won’t do that. No, no. He won’t do that.

So Danny calls for reinforcements. Burski, Brett and Shelly each grab an appendage and literally carry him to the bar and double as human barriers when he tries to escape. They force him to come clean with Nicki. It was an entertaining act of physical comedy by all the guys in the cast.

Justin tells Nicki that he hates that she’s leaving, but he loves the compassionate heart behind the reason why she has to go. He tells her he loves her, and she says it right back. They celebrate for 48 hours before he becomes “undateable” again.

In other news, Brett and Shelly have created a new drinking game. Whenever Burski touches Leslie, they take a drink. It’s a great way to get very drunk very fast. In order not to become alcoholics, the game is soon changed to something a little more manageable. And embarrassing. Whenever Burski randomly touches Leslie, the guys must reveal a fact that Burski would rather remain untold. Throughout the course of the episode, we learn that Burski was breast-fed until he was eight, he pees sitting down and his first three kisses were all cousins at a family reunion.

Here’s hoping that Burski is the next pupil to score a date, because I’m not sure I can handle hearing about the various skeletons in his closet!

Undateable Quotables

[Nicki takes off early. Brett looks annoyed.]
Justin: When you start having morning sex with me, you can leave early too.
Brett: OK, I’m going to call your bluff. Topsies!

Danny: You can’t toss g-bombs out there. I haven’t named her boobs yet. I’m thinking Kathie Lee and Hoda, because they are so perky in the morning!

Danny: What did you do when she told you she was leaving?
Justin: I acted like a man. A crying, screaming, dry-heaving man.

Undateable, rated TV-14, airs Thursdays at 9/8 C on NBC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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