Season 6 | Episode 9 | “Candyman” | Aired June 8, 2014
You remember the famous song from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, right? “Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two? The candy man, the candy man can.” I’ve given you an earworm now, haven’t I? Sorry, but since the song is at the center of the best scene I’ve seen on Nurse Jackie in weeks, I felt like I should mention it. Plus, let’s be honest: The lyrics can pretty much be a double entendre for Jackie’s entire existence.
Before we get to the song and the scene, let’s start with Jackie and Frank. When we last left the star-crossed lovers, Frank was expressing his concern over Grace moving back in, and Jackie was reacting by locking him out … again. Seems like Frank is attempting to (once again) wave a white flag because he calls Jackie to give her a heads-up about a DEA agent who’ll be stopping by All Saints to investigate Carrie’s stolen DEA number and screen all hospital employees (“Good thing I’m clean and sober,” Jackie responds). Since Jackie has just popped a few pills to help her deal with the stress of being invited to Kevin and Mia’s upcoming nuptials, she’s clearly screwed. I’m just kidding, we all know Jackie — OF COURSE SHE’S NOT.
Later, Jackie is helping Akalitus parallel-park her Mustang in front of the hospital, and in one of her most ridiculous and idiotic stunts to date, Jackie comes up with a plan to get herself out of the DEA screen.
Do not adjust your eyes! That is really Jackie’s foot, placed UNDER THE CAR TIRE by Jackie herself, successfully resulting in broken toes and pain meds, which she gets Akalitus to give her by fibbing about an approved plan where her boss gets to hold onto her prescription meds and be in charge of administering them. Akalitus agrees, but takes the plan to a more dangerous place by lying to Coop about needing the meds herself and excuses Jackie from the DEA agent’s screening. (Watch out, Gloria — I hear those tangled webs are sticky.)
Meanwhile, Naeem, All Saints’ newsstand proprietor, has suddenly died, and a devastated Zoey and Thor take it upon themselves to plan a memorial service. Not only do they fill the hospital chapel with bouquets of flowers left by patients, but they invite Naeem’s entire family, and hire “the crazy street cellist” to play (by trading him a full body scan for his services). Naeem’s son shows up with pockets full of everyone’s favorite candies, as his father had apparently taken his job more to heart than anyone had realized. When the time comes for someone to speak, Zoey prompts Jackie to take the podium (“You’re the only one who knew his name”), but shortly into her speech, Jackie inexplicably breaks down in tears. Coop takes over and, in true Coop fashion, begins reciting the lyrics from “The Candy Man,” which quickly turns into a group sing-along — with my voice joining the group loudly and proudly. I can’t help it. It’s catchy. Plus, it’s making me forget how uncomfortable I am with the layers of Jackie’s lying and scheming. I’ll take candy over conflict any day.
Helen — the homeless, drunk nun who is a recurring patient in the ER and also has a penchant for escaping the hospital — is back. Once again, Carrie is the doctor who has to examine her. Last time, Helen filled Carrie’s cleavage full of puke; this time she gives her lice. Not in Carrie’s cleavage, but in her hair — or at least, that’s what Carrie is worried about and what drives her to Coop’s office for a lice check. The two former lovers have been on a break for so long that the hair exam quickly turns sexual. Watch what happens, and let me go on record as being all for it. I love Coop and Carrie together. Team triple C (Coop, Carrie and Crazy) FOREVER!
Later, the two C’s take their crazy to the rooftop and have sex on a hospital bed (successfully getting around their “no sex in the hospital” rule), only to be discovered by a traffic ‘copter.
When Jackie returns home later that night to find Grace snuggled up on the couch next to a teenage boy, she immediately freaks out. The boy turns out to be Frank’s previously estranged son, and Frank appears from the kitchen with his other, younger boy. Turns out Frank finally called them (per Jackie’s repeated suggestion), and he’s there to tell her that he misses her and that things can still be great. I call foul. Foul on the sons so quickly forgiving their father for a year of neglect, foul on Frank for being such a pussy to come running back to Jackie — who locked him out of the house twice — and foul on Jackie, who isn’t even limping on toes crushed by the wheel of a Mustang.
As the episode closes, Jackie opens Kevin and Mia’s wedding invitation, calls someone whom we do not get to see (Antoinette, maybe?) and asks if they’ll go with her. I know one thing is for sure: It’s not Naeem.