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'Undateable' recap: Highway to the friend zone

Season 1 | Episode 3 | “Three’s a Crowd” | Aired June 5, 2014

The friend zone. It’s that dreaded point on the line of friendship when the hope of something a little more intimate turns into a counseling session on why the smoking-hot girl from your buddy’s free weekend of online dating never responded to his wink? You don’t want to hurt his feelings by saying that this Victoria’s Secret model would never, ever, date someone like him, because he doesn’t have abs of steel or a house in the Hamptons, so you bake him is favorite cookies from scratch and tell him it was her loss.

Everyone’s been there right? RIGHT?

Justin is definitely on the outskirts of the friend zone with Nicki. As the BFFs settle in for a little Mad Men, Danny warns them that single guys can’t be friends with single girls. This annoys Nicki. Clearly, she and Justin do not fall into this category. They can totally be friends and nothing more. She snuggles up to Justin, entranced by Don Draper’s charisma. Justin smells her hair. Classic friend-zone move.

Back at the bar, Justin berates Danny for killing his mojo the night before. Danny instructs his band of dorks that they must arm themselves with a secret weapon to keep from falling into the “single friends” trap. Danny prefers putting the girl on the back of his motorcycle and leans back until she grips his hips. This later leads to horizontal positions. The fact that his hair looks amazing whipping in the wind is an added bonus.

Justin claims to have an equally impressive, surefire way to make the ladies bend to his will. None can resist the ol’ “cover the eyes from behind” move. He tops that off with the time-honored, “You have an eyelash. Make a wish!” What if there isn’t an eyelash, you ask? No problem. Simply pluck one of your own before going in for the kill.

Of course, this smooth maneuver shouldn’t be performed in a bar when you’ve been handling limes. Fortunately, Nicki’s sight returned almost instantaneously, just in time for Justin to cryptically reveal that he has feelings for someone. Newsflash! So does Nicki! It’s too bad that her crush is on Danny.

Justin has officially become the mayor of Nicki’s friend zone.

He angrily confronts Danny, but is quickly shut down by Leslie. Danny is just a fling. No one would ever want a REAL relationship with him. Danny reluctantly agrees and instructs Baby Bird to tell Nicki how he really feels. He needs to keep his hands away from her face and tell her with words. Words that form sentences.

The next day, Nicki flirts with Danny by giving him a neck massage. Justin walks out of his office and is livid at this intimate display of touching. Danny does a good job of smoothing things over, but it’s all for nothing when Nicki pokes her head into the office asking Danny for a ride home on his motorcycle — just like the first night they met.

Justin’s beloved Nicki has hip-gripped his mentor. This is not OK.

Danny tosses Justin an imaginary apology. He throws it to the ground and stomps on it like Robert De Niro in Goodfellas.

Screen shot 2014-06-05 at 8.21.00 PMBrett convinces Danny that he needs to help Justin win the girl and get out of the friend zone. Danny goes to the bar and makes Justin tell him everything he likes about Nicki, pushing him to come up with something better than “she’s an awesome waitress.”

Justin: “I’d tell her she’s the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to talk to before I go to bed. And I would admit that I stole that from When Harry Met Sally. And I’ve been scared to tell her this whole time, because I didn’t know if I could take it if she said no.”

Nicki comes out of Justin’s office, having heard every word, and kisses him passionately. He’s her lobster.

The second story arc isn’t as eventful. Apparently Leslie is dead to Shelly because she mentioned that everything associated with Detroit sucks. The guys are surprised that Leslie didn’t know Shelly’s deep affection for his hometown, since every article of clothing he owns has “Detroit” plastered on it. Brett tells her the best way to win him back is by taking him to a Lions game and learning the lyrics to “Night Moves,” which is his favorite song.

Leslie plays the game and Shelly forgives her. She begins a sweet rendition of “Night Moves,” but is suddenly interrupted by an a cappella-singing Justin and his new aca-partner in crime, Nicki.

I will be honest and admit that I am still in the friend zone with this show, having not yet made the decision to fall in love completely. But I do know that when Brent Morin sings, I see everything in a new perspective, and I find myself smiling like a smitten schoolgirl. I’d say that right now, I’m smelling Undateable‘s hair.

Undateable Quotables

Justin: I was not in the friend zone with Heather Flanders in college, OK? She thought I was gay.
Shelly: World’s worst brag.

*

Justin: Did your hair flip in the wind?
Danny: It was a good hair day.
Justin: Did she grip your hips?
Brett: DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF, MATE!
Justin: I HAVE TO KNOW!
Danny: She gripped my hips.

*

Justin: Brett, make me a stiff drink.
Brett: Straight vodka. Coming up.
Justin: A stiff drink I like.
Brett: Lemon drop. Coming up.

Undateable, rated TV-14, airs Thursdays at 9/8 C on NBC.

TV Families

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TV Families

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" title="Tweet"><span>Tweet</span></a></li><li class="share-email"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="" class="share-email sd-button 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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <div class="article-body__show-full"> <button id="button--show-full" class="channel__color--background-color" type="button">Show Full Article</button> </div> </div> <!-- template: article-footer --> <footer class="article-footer"> <div class="articles-recirculation articles-recirculation--see-also channel__color--border-color"> <!-- template: article-footer-section-title --> <h2 class="article-footer__section-title channel__color--border-color article-footer__section-title--third-party"> <div class="article-footer__section-title-inner-wrap"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-span"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-more article-footer__section-title-more--" data-mobile-title=""> sponsored stories </span> </span> </div> </h2> <div class="ob-widget-wrapper " data-url-fragment="outbrain"> <div 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