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'Awkward.' recap: Orange is the new black

Season 4 | Episode 8 | “Prison Breaks” | Aired June 3, 2014

“Good luck with Crossroads 2!” quips Sadie, as this week’s episode begins with an impromptu college visit to see Jenna’s boyfriend, Luke. After the night they had (see: last week’s episode), Jenna convinces Tamara to turn the car around — and the night — by visiting the college to see Luke and enticing Tamara with a random college guy hookup. But first they drop off Sadie, because she certainly would never want to hang out with those two any longer than she has to.

Jenna and Tamara arrive at Luke’s dorm only to see him getting what looks like an intimate massage from another girl. Jenna is speechless, and Tamara goes on an expected tirade. Only the girls find out that it is Luke’s best friend, who happens to be a lesbian. Oops.

Matty and Jake are in line to check in at the prison. Matty is calm, explaining to Jake that this is something his brother has been through before, and it’s not that big of a deal; however, once they’re checked in and arrive at the prison area, it ends up being much scarier than expected.

The boys desperately begin making their “one phone call” so that they can get out of there. They first call Sadie, who immediately assumes it’s her Aunt Ally that’s calling from the prison and doesn’t pick up. They call Jenna, who is too busy with Luke and Tamara. Out of phone calls, the boys are resigned to spending the night jail.

At Sadie’s, Ally pops out of nowhere, which causes Sadie to shriek, “You escaped?!” She then realizes that it wasn’t Ally who called her from the jail.

Tamara is bent to find a guy to hook up with, only to discover the world of gross college boys. They are hardly enticing, and T finds herself getting squeamish from them and the state of the coed bathrooms. All the while, Jenna is warring for Luke’s attention, who insists that he needs to study. Jenna somehow leads him to roof of the building, where they get locked up without their phones. Who doesn’t bring his or her phone everywhere anymore? Anyway, Luke is frustrated, and that perfect, confident exterior begins to crumble when he lashes out at Jenna for not understanding the importance of studying because she’s “still in high school.”

Jake has to — pardon my French — take a shit badly. A bunch of tough guys have taken over Jake and Matty’s assigned cell, leaving Jake to hold his shit together, literally. To pass time, Matty begins talking to another guy about why they’re each in jail. The guy tells a story that implies he’s in there for murder. Matty is sufficiently freaked out.

Tamara takes refuge in Luke’s dorm, where his lesbian friend is currently hanging out. The two girls immediately get along, talking about their OCD tendencies, and how Staples is like heaven or whatever.

Back on the roof, Luke backtracks, explaining he’s on scholarship and needs to keep his grades up to stay there. He admits that he’s a complete dork about school, while he imagines Jenna sees him as a cool, confident college guy. Endeared, Jenna is determined to right her wrongs and help him study.

Matty is still talking to the “murderer,” who is now explaining how tough life was for him. Matty tells him about being adopted and driving his Escalade off a cliff. The guy laughs at him, making Matty finally realize just how much of a spoiled brat he has been acting like lately.

Now that Jenna is helping him study, Luke lightens up and gives up studying altogether so they can make out. They spend the night on the roof.

Still bonding with Luke’s friend, Tamara discusses her guy troubles and how she has yet to achieve the big “O.” Luke’s friend replies with an apparent come-on: “Never send a man to do a woman’s job.” She then makes a move toward Tamara, who backs off, then reconsiders: “Let’s do this.” Whoa, I wasn’t expecting that!

Morning comes, and the maintenance guy saves Luke and Jenna from the roof. They arrive back to his dorm to see T and Luke’s friend in bed together.

Sadie comes to the boys’ rescue. She asks about Eva, and Jake tells her she fled. “That bitch ditched,” Sadie seethes. “I’m going to fucking kill her.” Jake gets her attention back to their situation, especially his own shitty situation.  Resourceful as ever, Sadie gives them a plan. She tells them to admit they’re underage, and if the guards give them trouble, Sadie is going to the Los Angeles Times with an exposé on how they can’t do their jobs and wrongfully imprison minors. Jake balks: “How do you know all this?” “Orange Is the New Black,” Sadie simply replies.

Surprisingly, Tamara isn’t really thinking too hard about her sexuality. She only knows that she finally had her orgasm, and is happy enough about that. Jenna and T come home to see Eva enchanting Jenna’s mom, Ally and Val with some stories that seriously sound like bullshit. Eva tells Jenna they need to talk, and the two go upstairs, where Eva explains that the boys are in jail. She admits she bailed because her dad would take away her trust fund if she got in trouble again after her shoplifting stunt last year. Worried, Jenna resolves to call Matty’s brother to assist them in getting the boys out.

Jake shares Sadie’s plan with Matty and urges him to ‘fess up about their real ages.  Matty resists, but Jake is bursting with annoyance and other things, so Matty agrees.

Matty and Jake are finally out of prison, and Eva runs up to them. Jake is appropriately pissed at her for ditching them and leaves. She apologizes to Matty and then lies, claiming that Jenna didn’t care about him being in jail. Matty shows that he’s a little hurt, and Eva jacks up her charm, asking if he’s up for a “conjugal visit.” Totally not seeing Eva for the liar that she apparently is, Matty leads her away to the car, where they start hooking up.

Here’s to hoping that Jenna and Sadie team up in the next couple episodes for a dearly needed Eva smackdown.

Awkward. airs Tuesdays at 10/9 C on MTV.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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