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'Firefly' recap: A River runs through it

Editors’ Note: Firefly fans rejoice! The Joss Whedon show was only with us for a year, but it lives on in The EW Community. Check back each week for Nathan Fillion goodness and watch with Brandi McCormick as she recaps the series from the very beginning.

Season 1 | Episode 9 | “Ariel” | Aired Nov 15, 2002

“Ariel” encompasses all of the things that make Firefly so Firefly. A pinch of heist hootenanny, a major WTF moment (or two!), a dash of edge-of-your-seat anxiety, and a whole lotta Serenity teamwork.

Serenity is headed to Ariel, a central planet smack dab in the middle of the Union of Allied Planets, so that Inara can get her annual Companion exam. Mal informs the crew that no one aside from Inara is allowed to leave the ship. The planet is too much of a high-risk environment for the outlaws, and they must minimize their presence there in order to stay under the radar, away from the ever-watchful eyes of the Alliance.

But while grumbling about being grounded on the ship, River flies off the handle and slashes Jayne across the chest with a kitchen knife. Startled, Jayne answers her attack with a swift slap to the face, leaving everyone scrambling. Jayne is fine, but after Simon stitches him up and profusely apologizes for his sister’s lack of control, Mal lays down the law. He reminds Simon of the deal they made when Mal first let him and River stay on Serenity: Either Simon keeps River under control and out of trouble, or Mal will be forced to leave them both behind. It’s that simple.

Post-River attack, the crew is still a little shaken up. While the group laments their lack of work lately, Simon suggests something rather bold: If they help him steal pricey, essential (and coveted) medical supplies, he can use the hospital’s neuroimager to examine River to finally see exactly what the Academy did to her brain. But the kicker is that the medical supplies won’t only help treat River, because the Serenity crew can sell them on the black market to reap a profit like they’ve never seen. It’s win-win, and with a little convincing, Mal agrees. (You and I both know Mal can’t refuse a good, old-fashioned heist!)

And just like that, “Ariel” becomes the Dr. Simon Tam Show. In order for the heist to work, the Serenity team has to pass as believable medical professionals.

In order to pull this off, there are a lot of moving parts:

  1. Zoë, Mal and Jayne have to go through some minor medical jargon training with Simon. Seriously, seeing Jayne and Mal try to memorize medical vocabulary is amazing.
  2. Wash and Kaylee have to build a fake ambulance transport.
  3. Jayne has to secure uniforms and hospital credentials.
  4. And Simon and River have to be “dead.”

Everything falls into place and before we know it, the Serenity crew really does look like they’re legitimate hospital personnel. (Major props to Kaylee and Wash, whose work on the ambulance transport was superb.)

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 1.01.46 PM

The team’s entry is a smooth one, and they’re in the morgue in no time. There, Simon and River awaken, and Zoë and Mal take off to steal the supplies. Mal expresses unease at leaving Jayne with the Tams, but as he trusts Jayne, he heads out with Zoë to take care of business.

Unfortunately, that trust is misplaced. As soon as Zoë and Mal leave to do the stealin’, Jayne pulls a major backstab: He radios a Fed telling him River and Simon’s location, clearly fulfilling a previously agreed-upon deal between the two of them. Jayne’s treachery stings like a slap in the face.

But before Jayne leads Simon and River into a trap, Simon gets what he came for — he examines River with the 3-D neruoimager. He is horrified by the findings: His sister’s brain was cut open over and over, resulting in the complete destruction of her amygdala. Unable to hide his shock, Simon tells Jayne this explains River’s outbursts and inability to cope with most everyday situations. The amygdala regulates the body’s ability to handle emotions like fear and sadness, and without it, River essentially has no filter in her brain keeping her from experiencing it all out in the open; she literally feels too much. It’s downright heartbreaking to witness Simon come to this realization.

In the middle of their scheduled quiet escape, Simon and Jayne wheel out their “patient,” River. But when a real patient begins to flatline nearby, Simon can’t hold back his urge to save a life; he jumps in and brings the patient back from the brink of death just in the nick of time.

But this minor sidestep and the fact that Jayne’s betrayal is yet undiscovered lead to the three of them walking right into an Alliance trap. River and Simon are captured, and instead of being rewarded by the Feds, Jayne also gets stabbed in the back: He’s going be arrested too, for aiding and abetting the fugitives all this time. Take that, you jerk!

Meanwhile, aside from one minor run-in with a hospital staff member, Zoë and Mal make their haul without interruption. But when Zoë and Mal get back to their “ambulance,” they realize the rest of the crew hasn’t arrived yet. With some assistance from Kaylee and Wash, Mal realizes the place is crawling with Feds and the Tams have been taken, launching him into save-the-day action mode.

Jayne, River and Simon bust a move — literally — and by time Mal and Zoë have arrived with reinforcements, the Feds are down and out and everyone’s free to escape back to Serenity. All the while, Simon sings Jayne’s praises, which, as you can imagine, is SUPER-awkward considering he just sold them out.

Back on Serenity, Jayne is in for a rude awakening. Mal’s no dummy, and he can see right though Jayne’s lies.

Mal knows exactly what Jayne has done, and if there’s one thing Mal doesn’t appreciate, it’s backstabbing. Mal knows it was Jayne who tipped off the Feds, and he ain’t happy about it one bit. Mal shuts Jayne out in the cargo area, opens the doors, and leaves Jayne hanging on for dear life. He doesn’t relegate Jayne to a grisly space death, but begrudgingly keeps him alive.

I’m curious what this means for Jayne’s relationship with the rest of the crew, especially his relationship with Mal. Jayne made a big, big mistake, and it’s going to take a long time for anyone to trust him again.

Oh, and by the way:

  • Inara: What’s going on here?
    Kaylee: Oh, well, let’s see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain and Zoë are off springing the others, who got snatched by the Feds.
  • Mal: The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.

Firefly is available for rental or purchase on NetflixHulu PlusXbox VideoAmazon Instant VideoiTunes and more.

Get more of Brandi’s take on all things entertainment over at ReelSnarky.com!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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