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'Kitchen Nightmares' season 6 finale recap: Bella [bleepin'] Luna

Season 6 | Episode 9 | “Bella Luna” | Aired May 16, 2014

You know how this goes, Kitchen Nightmares fans: The restaurant sucks. The food is hideous. The management is in denial. The staff is fed up. And Gordon Ramsay is there to yell obscenities at them all. It’s everything we love about this show, and the season 6 finale — and Chef Ramsay — deliver (especially when Bella Luna does not).

Let’s break it down the easy way, shall we?

Here are the top 10 problems with Bella Luna, an “Italian” restaurant in Easton, Pennsylvania (“Italian” because to be honest, I’m not really sure that baby vomit, which is what Chef Ramsay declares the food on the plates looks like, is representative of one single country):

1. The management (owner Rosaria, son/chef Gianfranco and manager Traci) all blame either each other or the people of Easton for the restaurant’s failure.

2. Bella Luna’s décor, according to Traci, “looks like a morgue.” Yeah, the dead dried flowers and dark curtains support that claim, but the questionable seashell Christmas lights (in July) and crappy gas-station beach souvenirs (think starfish snow globes) beg to differ. I don’t know what it is, but it looks a little bit like a Motel 6 lobby in Daytona Beach.

3. The food they serve Chef Ramsay is disgusting. The pasta is [bleepin’] overcooked and swimming in [bleepin’] flavorless sauce, the veal is [bleepin’] chewy and overcooked,  and the mussels are [bleepin’] frozen, despite Rosaria telling Chef that all the food is fresh.

4. ALL THE FOOD IS [BLEEPIN’] FROZEN.

5. Despite the fact that the freezer is packed with chicken, shrimp, calamari and mussels, Rosaria denies the fact that she serves frozen food to Chef’s face and throws son/chef Gianfranco under the bus by blaming it all on him.

6. Gianfraco takes one look at all the frozen food and throws mama under the bus, blaming it all on her.

7. The refrigerator is full of moldy, rotting food. (Side note: How stupid do you have to be to not to clean out your fridge when you know the Kitchen Nightmares team — and cameras — are coming to your restaurant? Especially after you were the one who initiated the visit? [Bleepin’] ridiculous.)

8. There is a hair in the food.

9. THERE IS A HAIR IN THE FOOD.

10. THERE. IS. A. HAIR. IN. THE. FOOD.

If reasons 1 through 7 weren’t enough, reasons 8 through 10 are. Chef Ramsay shuts down the restaurant, yells a few [bleeps], and I pause my DVR to go dry heave in the bathroom.

Chef has a come-to-Jesus talk with Rosaria and Gianfranco about the state of Bella Luna. There are tears, accusations and [bleeps] galore. You know, just your typical family gathering. But one thing becomes clear: This team — and this restaurant — isn’t working.

The next day, Chef brings the entire team to the City Hall and has them all sit up in the big chairs where the City Council usually sits, complete with a nameplate on the desk in front of each team member that not only has their name engraved on it, but their position at Bella Luna. Wow. That took a lot of effort on some poor intern’s part for very little effect. Just sayin’. If the direction this experiment is going sounds confusing, that’s because it is. But let’s put our trust in Chef, shall we? He doesn’t usually steer us in the wrong [bleeping] direction.

Chef has Rosaria and Gianfranco come down to the podium and lets the other team members (and by “other team members,” I mean Traci) lash out at them and detail (and by detail I mean DETAIL) all the terrible personality traits they possess that have contributed to Bella Luna’s downfall. I know. Harsh. And also fantastic! I want to do this with my own family! Wait. Did I just say that out loud?

After Rosaria and Gianfranco get their self-esteem kicked to the curb, Chef apparently decides that they need to really feel like crap, so he brings in about 30 community members who have all dined at Bella Luna in the past. One by one they approach the podium and, with the TV cameras giving them all the confidence of a (slutty) Sandy Dumbrowski, proceed to tell the Bella Luna team what they really think:

“There was a fly in my wedding soup.”

“The food was subpar … disgusting.”

“I will never come back.”

“The cannoli was sour, then the replacement was fresh. Why didn’t you serve me the fresh one first? WHY?

Why, indeed. Ew.

But have no fear, residents of Easton, Pennsylvania. Chef Gordon Ramsay and the Kitchen Nightmares staff have come to your “Italian” dining rescue! Because as always, with a stern talking-to with the staff, a quick makeover (it still kind of looks like the inside of a mobile home, if you ask me) and a new, delicious menu (that no one in the restaurant knows how to actually cook), Bella Luna reopens to a full house and a (surprisingly) pleasant staff. And guess what? The customers love it! Of course they do.

And with only a hiccup from Gianfranco halfway through the dinner service, when he plates a lasagna that looks a mess and Chef goes apeshit and throws the plate on the ground in refusal to serve it while yelling many [bleeps] (you go, Chef), the staff is suddenly —  miraculously — supportive. As usual. Funny what edible food and tasteful décor can do for morale, isn’t it? Put this one on the “W” side, folks. It looks like Bella Luna might make it after all (even though they are currently homeless due to “landlord issues” — riiiight).

Bon appétit, Kitchen Nightmares season 6! In the words of Chef Ramsay, it’s been a bloody [bleepin’] ride!

TV Families | EW.com

TV Families -- We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ''The Brady Bunch'' to ''The Flintstones''

By Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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