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'Hart of Dixie' recap: Stop in the (hiccup) name of love

Season 3 | Episode 22 | “Second Chance” | Aired May 16, 2014

I approached this season finale with certain apprehension. Davis has proposed to Annabeth, and we have no idea what she’s going to say. Meatball is marrying Lily Anne, and we have no idea how that courtship even exists. Lemon is freaked out because she accidentally burned Fancie’s to the ground. My beloved Wade is supposedly moving to Atlanta and has only been shirtless twice in season 3. Things are certainly topsy-turvy in BlueBell. How in the world will they pull off three weddings in one weekend with all this drama?

Why, you call a town meeting, of course! It’s rally time.

Regrettably, Zoe isn’t in a rallying mood. She’d rather skip rocks near the pond out back and brood in her Uggs, while Lavon lectures her on how she’s depressed that Wade is moving to Atlanta. She thinks Lavon is one to talk. He’s still in love with Annabeth.

Hart of Dixie season 3 finale ZoeZoe meanders over to Wade’s house and sees him packing all of his belongings in garbage bags. A lone hiccup escapes, and she scurries off to hide behind an old, rusted filing cabinet that everyone should store on their back porch, because let’s face it, that just makes sense. Wade discovers her holding a going-away present — an ice scraper for those cold Atlanta winters.

She stares longingly at him and wishes him luck and safe travels, before slowly making her way through the worn path between his house and hers. “FOLLOW HER, WADE,” I scream at my television. And he does! But only to try to scare her hiccups away.

Back at the office, Zoe has taken to breathing into paper bags to try to get rid of the hiccups she’s battled for 14 hours. Lemon, in the most matronly outfit I’ve seen in three seasons, assures the good doctor that her hiccups are a symptom of stress, and if she only admits to being in love with Wade, they would immediately subside. They argue back and forth until Zoe finally reveals in a loud, confident voice, “Fine! I love Wade!”

Enter Joel.

Nooooooooooooo. If he has come to proclaim his love, I will stop watching. Do you hear me, The CW? I will stop watching right now.

They get coffee (annoying) and sit on a bench (stop it), and Zoe asks if he’s still dating the comedy writer (gasp), to which he answers yes. Hallelujah!

Then he gives Zoe a little advice from one friend (gag) to another: “Don’t let Wade leave without telling him how you truly feel, because he might feel the same way.”

I’ve always liked Joel. He has a good head on his shoulders.

Joel gives Wade a little advice too. After the investor presents him with a tie to wear, since he “works in the office now,” Joel reminds Wade that he’s the guy who likes to invent cocktails, adjust the menu and break up bar fights. Does he really want a cookie-cutter Rammer Jammer wannabe in four other states?

MEATBALL AND LILY ANNE’S WEDDING
Wade doesn’t have time to think about anything but the current Rammer Jammer, since Meatball and Lily Anne are getting married right there on the stage. Wade is in a tuxedo T-shirt, and as he plays “Here Comes the Bride” on his electric guitar, I’m reminded that musicians are cool and that Wilson Bethel’s forearms are amazing.

Clad in a camouflage suit, Meatball and Lily Anne literally sing their vows to each other.

Meatball: My Lily Anne’s hot. My Lily Anne’s fine. I may be a two, but she’s a nine.

Lily Anne: He’s my Meatball. He’s hairy and sweaty, but he goes great with spaghetti. He’s my hairy, chubby lovey and will make a super hubby.

Then she lists all of the men who have wronged her, including Wade, Sal the Shrimp Guy and G Tuck. Meatball flips out and complains that Lily Anne doesn’t know him at all before storming off. The officiant asks if anyone would like to come up and share while the bride and groom sort their differences.

And that’s when Zoe professes her love for Wade in front of everyone. So long, hiccups.

And that’s when Wade exits stage left.

Nooooooooooooo. If he doesn’t come back to proclaim his love, I will stop watching. Do you hear me, The CW? I will stop watching right now.

The next day, Zoe approaches Wade as he’s packing up his car. He has nothing to say. They tried to make it work once, and it didn’t. She should go to Crickett and Stanley’s vow renewal in the dress that makes her look like a human cupcake and forget about him.

The lack of reconciliation is killing me at this point.

CRICKETT AND STANLEY’S VOW RENEWAL
Apparently the theme for the renewal is blush and bashful. The gazebo has been doused in Pepto-Bismol, and “Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong” is the musical number the couple has chosen to showcase on this special day.

Stanley insists on having his pilates instructor as a 15th groomsman, and Crickett’s hiccups begin. As she primps her Madonna-inspired wedding dress and fingerless gloves, hiccuping in front of a mirror, Zoe explains to her that her hiccups are more than likely related to a revelation that just needs to come out!

We all thought that the coming-out would be Stanley, but instead Crickett announced at the end of the aisle and the top of the gazebo that she was gay. So long, hiccups.

Hart of Dixie season 3 finale Lemon

GEORGE AND LAVON’S MAN CRUSH
Who needs to help prepare the entire town for three weddings when Don Todd is having a book-signing in Tallahassee? George and Lavon camp outside the bookstore and are thrilled when they get front-row seats for Don Todd’s public reading. They don’t seem to notice that the room is very empty. When they learn that Don Todd is thinking about retiring, they force him to come to Bluebell because everyone loves him! After an inspirational day visiting a town where love is in the air wherever you turn, Don Todd decides that he needs to tell his ex-wife that he still has feelings for her. Sadly, he missed his chance. She’s moved on. George and Lavon stare at each other, slightly nod their heads, and both leave to tell the loves of their lives that they want a second chance.

Meanwhile, Annabeth tells Davis that even though his weird sneaker fetish is actually quite charming and easily overlooked in the make-it-or-break-it department, she can’t marry him because she’s still in love with someone else. So long, hiccups.

Lemon agrees to board the Belles and Bachelors Cruise after her grandmother offers her money to rebuild Fancie’s in exchange for a ticket on the S.S. Depression. Zoe calls her, pleading for Lemon to not give up on true love. But there is no cell phone service. At that moment, Lemon is greeted on the starboard side by a creepy dude who uses a little too much tinting cream at night. She can’t hear George banging on the window down below, Ben Braddock style. He missed his shot. Lemon will be gone for 30 days, out to sea with Mr. Tangerine Face. The crowd parts, and Lavon stands there looking out of the window too.

Awkward.

BRANDO AND SYLVIA’S WEDDING
Vivian is there, old people get married, blah, blah, blah, and Wade shows up in a suit looking all sorts of hot! It turns out one Rammer Jammer is enough for this world, and he’s decided to not live his life in a tie behind a desk.

Wade: Don’t read too much into this, OK?
Zoe: I know you think we don’t have a future together, but you are so wrong. I’m going to prove it. As long as it takes. I’m not giving up.

And neither am I. Team Zade forever.

Quotable Quips

Tom: Joel and Don Todd in the same room. Mind blown!

*

Wade: I can’t believe I only have two days left in Bluebell. I bet they don’t have town meetings in Atlanta.
Zoe: I’ve never been, but I hear that it’s great. Except for their ice storms, which they have now.

*

Meatball: Wait a minute. “Run From Wade” is about you?

*

Lemon: You look like something Hello Kitty coughed up.

Best quote of the season, in my opinion! What did you think of the finale? Who do you think will get together in season 4? Will Lemon and George get together? Or will she return from sea with her own Joel? Until next time!

For more of my rambling musings, visit my website, I Hate Green Beans.

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