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'Nurse Jackie' recap: The best liar in the world

Season 6 | Episode 5 | “Rag and Bone” | Aired May 11, 2014

Jackie Peyton is many things: a kind and patient nurse, a caring mother, a good friend. But on the May 11 episode of Nurse Jackie, her No. 1 defining characteristic — the trait that threatens to trump them all — comes back in full force. She’s a first-rate liar.

Boyfriend/NYPD member Frank, who saw Jackie take a handful of pills at the very end of the last episode (a major plot point that this author shamefully missed), is searching Jackie’s basement for drugs. He pulls his back by trying to move the washing machine. When he confronts Jackie, she’s instantly remorseful and pulls out a few old tricks from years past (hey, it isn’t her first trip to this rodeo of deception). Jackie tells Frank she caved. (Liar.) She hates herself. (Liar?) She promises him there aren’t any more drugs and that her slip was due to the pressure of daughter Grace getting arrested and ex-husband Kevin getting engaged. (Liar. Sort of.) Frank, who is saddling up for the first time (“The only thing I know about addicts is how to arrest one”) needs Jackie to tell him that she’s going to meetings and that she’s getting better. Jackie admits that in the past she’d have lied, but now? Now she assures him that she’s OK and that she’ll keep being OK because she has too much to lose. Roped him in under a minute, ladies and gents. The lady knows how to work a lasso.

When Frank goes upstairs to take a shower, Jackie goes on a drug purge (fantastically set to Nick Waterhouse’s “If You Want Trouble”), frantically clearing out every baggie of pills and powder she’s hidden around the house and stuffing them in a duffel bag, which she takes to work. Discovering that the drawer she locks her magical bag of tricks in does not, in fact, lock, Jackie retreats to the ladies’ room and begins shoving the baggies up the outdated tampon machine, not realizing someone is in one of the stalls. Really, Jackie? You didn’t check under the doors for feet before stashing all your illegal narcotics? Rookie mistake for one so duplicitous. I’m surprised.

Thankfully, though, it’s just clueless Carrie, who comes out and offers Jackie a tampon, and later has Akalitus get the maintenance man to remove the outdated and out-of-order relic (which is now full of more than just feminine products) to make space for hand dryers. In a panic, Jackie runs down to the maintenance room, only to find it locked. Looks like it’s time for Jackie to make a trip to her trusty dealer … and make a mental note to carry spare tampons in her purse from now on.

Grace and Fiona pop into their mother’s house in the middle of the day and find Frank convalescing on the sofa. Frank starts up a lighthearted conversation with the teenage delinquent about her recent shoplifting detainment (because now that it’s been a few days, it’s suddenly amusing, I guess). Frank tells Grace that he used to get into trouble himself when he was younger (he stole a case of hot dogs!), even though he didn’t have as much to deal with as she does — namely, her dad getting remarried. Grace asks Frank if Jackie is freaking out, and when Frank responds that no, she’s actually fine with it, Grace is incredulous. “You believed her?” she sneers. “You didn’t know her before. She’s the best liar in the world.” Dun dun dunnnnn.

Frank

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Frank immediately begins an all-out raid and eventually finds a forgotten baggie of drugs hidden in the TV remote’s battery compartment. He calls Jackie and demands she come home right now. Sorry, Frank, NCD. Jackie’s super-busy with a patient. And by “super-busy with a patient,” she means she’s trying to get to her dealer’s house to score some blow before having to meet Kevin and new fiancée Mia for dinner, obviously. No sooner is she in the door than she and her dealer, Gabe (Michael Esper), begin doing lines, drinking, dancing and having a lot of sex. Hey, at least their ho-down at the hoedown a couple of episodes ago wasn’t an isolated incident, and they’re establishing a healthy (cough) relationship.

screenshotPost-party, Jackie asks to borrow a red leather jacket she sees lying on the couch to wear to dinner. Gabe tells her that the girl the jacket belongs to isn’t here, so sure! Mi casa es su casa and all that. Twenty bucks says he’ll never remember that conversation, but 50 says this will come back to haunt both of them in a future episode (at least, according to next week’s preview).

At dinner, Mia tells Jackie that she’s pregnant. Jackie reacts with a drug-induced, “Wow! Wow, wow, wow! That’s great!” (Liar.) Later, on the subway home, Jackie asks Frank to move in with her. With one (metaphorical) leg free but the other two still tied together, Frank seems to forget the newfound baggie of drugs and looks happily at Jackie — the best liar in the world.

Other things happening around All Saints:

• The improvement Dr. Prentiss made to his bedside manner in the last episode seems to have disappeared, as he’s back to his typical gruff self when dealing with a patient who is in the ER due to a stupid adolescent stunt (roller-skating behind a horse and carriage), as well as with hospital pharmacist Eddie. Later, Zoey tries to defend her boyfriend to Eddie by showing him photos of food that Prentiss personalized for her with big “Z”s. “People are not just one thing,” she tells him, but Eddie isn’t buying it and accuses her of doing cleanup on her boyfriend’s sh*tty behavior. I kind of agree.

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By the way, am I the only one who isn’t buying the relationship between Zoey and Prentiss (despite the monogrammed pancakes)? It’s like Nicholas Brody dating Phoebe Buffay, but with scrubs. Totally unbelievable match.

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• Carrie gets puked on by a drunk patient and is forced to change out of her typical doctor-fantasy-inducing outfit and into plain scrubs — which she belts and pairs with heels, obviously.

Carrie

What do you think? Will Frank continued to be hoodwinked by Jackie’s pathological lying? And what do you think about Prentiss and Zoey as a couple? Sound off in the comments below!

Read more of Michelle’s posts at You’re My Favorite Today.

 

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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