Season 3 | Episode 21 | “Stuck” | Aired May 9, 2014
I know I’ve been on a tear about Wade’s lack of visible abs lately, but moving him all the way to Atlanta to open another Rammer Jammer is not the way to solve this problem. Surely we are being set up for a memorable reunion, just like the infamous season 1 finale? Let’s assess the setup again.
Brando shows up on Zoe’s doorstep to thank her for being such an amazing matchmaker. He and Joel’s mom are getting married, and they want Wade and Zoe to give a reading together at the ceremony. Perhaps Shel Silverstein? (I guess “Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too” could be relevant?)
Zoe is on a roll and selects another love arrow from her quiver of whimsy to help Earl get a date with ballroom-dancing health inspector May Ellen Waterloo. After being sober for four weeks and two days, he’s ready to live his life with more intention. And that includes a trip to the beauty parlor with Zoe for a fresh haircut, a facial and a wardrobe consultation. Earl’s transformation gives him the chutzpah he needs to march into the nonfiction section of the bookstore to ask May Ellen out to dinner.
This calls for champagne! Zoe bellies up to the bar, giving Wade her best know-it-all smirk for thinking that Earl was going to fall off the wagon any minute. May Ellen rushes in, asking Wade if he knows why his father never showed up for his date? The champagne is left uncorked as Zoe rushes out of the Rammer Jammer.
She didn’t expect to find him at the bottom of one of his booby-trap holes in the middle of the woods. I’m also quite confident that she didn’t expect to fall into the same hole. Note to self: The booby trap works. Apparently Earl got nervous about the date and took a walk to calm himself down, forgetting about the ginormous hole he had dug years before to keep out predators. Luckily Wade showed up with a ton of sarcasm and a ladder.
When Zoe tries to help Earl off his feet, he is in so much pain, he passes out. In a matter of seconds the situation turns dire, and Earl’s foot may have to be amputated.
Geez, Hart of Dixie. D-R-A-M-A!
Wade calls 911 and jumps down in the hole with Zoe. They have to play tug-of-war with Earl’s leg or HE WILL LOSE IT FOREVER. Pull. Pop. Done. Time for a splint.
“USE WADE’S FLANNEL SHIRT LIKE THE TIME YOU DID WITH THE BABY GOAT,” I screamed at my television. No such luck. Zoe found a newspaper, because all booby traps have ample reading material available, and used Earl’s tie to secure his ankle. Anything is possible!
Wade comes by Zoe’s house to let the doc know that Earl still has two feet thanks to her, and even contemplates reading “Where the Sidewalk Ends” at Brando’s wedding. Unfortunately, that’s the same weekend he’ll be in Atlanta scouting out the new Rammer Jammer location.
Zoe: “You’re moving?”
Wade: [slight head nod]
Zoe: “I’m so happy for you!”
I’ll tell you who’s not happy.
Me. Grandma Breeland, that’s who. She is tired of her granddaughter being the town spinster and has booked her on the “Belles and Bachelors” cruise. Lemon explains that she is super-busy, because Alabaman debutante Melanie LaRue is coming in to plan her wedding. Once the bride-to-be arrives, she approves of the venue, but is concerned when she Googles “Fancie’s” and the results are a candy shop and an escort service. Lemon is quick on her feet and convinces Melanie that the reason the restaurant doesn’t have a website is because it crashed due to high traffic; however, it will be back up next week, including pictures from previous weddings.
How can one stage a fake wedding in a matter of days? Enter Annabeth. Cue shenanigans.
After unsuccessfully persuading Brando to push his wedding date up, Lemon spies Davis in a car with another woman and rushes over to confront him for cheating on Annabeth. When she sees a velvet tray of diamond rings on the middle console, she changes her tune and graciously apologizes to the shady jewelry broker, who only does business in the seclusion of a Toyota Camry in open parking lots. Lemon sways Davis to abandon his lame engagement plan in exchange for a “friends and family” discount at Fancie’s. She promises to make it everything Annabeth would ever want.
Meanwhile, Meatball and Lily Anne Lonergan have publicly announced their engagement (why not?), and Annabeth suggested they get married that weekend at Fancie’s. Naturally, the main course at the reception will be meatballs. And the first dance will be “Run from Wade.” Lemon prepares the dining room first for Annabeth’s engagement and captures this important moment not with a nice, professional camera, but with a point-and-click she got for college graduation. Davis pops the question, a candle catches the curtains on fire and and the entire table bursts into flames. The sprinkler system kicks on and everyone runs for cover. Notice that Annabeth never said yes. Could this be foreshadowing? Poor Lemon. Her life is literally going up in flames, but I have a feeling she’ll recover. Anything is possible.
In other random civic news, the shared exit sign for both Fillmore and Bluebell has been vandalized. George decides to invite the comptroller over to Lavon’s so they can schmooze him so he’ll name Bluebell first on the replacement. They weren’t expecting him to bring a plus-one — Mayor Gainey of Fillmore. After a lot of bickering, it is decided that the two mayors will fight to the death. And then it is decided that this isn’t turn-of-the-century Europe, so they will grudge-match with a game of ping-pong. They both Inigo Montoya’d each other and switch hands midgame, but it was Mayor Gainey who prevailed in the end. When George shook his hand, he noticed red paint under his fingernails. VANDAL! Bluebell is victorious and will get first billing on the new exit sign. Anything IS possible!
Finally, Rose shadows Brick. Magnolia gets jealous. Annnnd scene.
Lemon: You want to put me out to sea with a bunch of Titanic-worshipping losers?
Grandma Breeland: It’s Noah’s ark in reverse!
Rose: I need Dr. Breeland to be the short-tempered Meryl Streep to my wide-eyed Anne Hathaway, so I can win his respect. Your respect’s not that hard to win.
Magnolia: You have to see my new dorm. It’s so retro. The whole ceiling is Spice Girls.
Mayor Gainey: Here, I brought you a giant cheese wheel.
Earl: I am who I am.
Susie the Hairdresser: Of course you are, but there’s just a little too much of you on the back of your neck, your sideburns, coming out of your ears …
Comptroller: Do you know the worst part about being a comptroller? No one knows how to pronounce it.
What did you think of the episode? Will Zoe and Wade reunite next week? Who had the tighter pants this episode: Lavon or George? Is Fancie’s gone for good? Did you notice the cute guy at the bar? Will Joel be at his mom’s wedding? Anything is possible! Sound off in the comments section!
For more of my rambling musings, visit my website, I Hate Green Beans.
Hart of Dixie, rated TV-PG, airs Fridays at 9/8 C on The CW.