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'The Goldbergs' recap: In a galaxy far, far away…

Season 1 | Episode 22 | “A Wrestler Called Goldberg” | Aired May 6, 2014

Barry begins his quest to win a varsity letter jacket, and subsequently win over high school hottie Lexy Bloom. Coach Miller recommends he put his unhinged behavior to use on the wrestling team. Barry is in! Now if only Bev would allow it!

Narrator Adam indulges in his great nostalgia for the Star Wars trilogy, recalling the day he blackmailed his sister into taking him to see the very last film in the series!

Barry turns to Murray to sign his permission slip to join the wrestling team, which thrills his dad, who used to be a “grappler” himself. He wants to show Barry some moves, but Barry has already learned the best moves from Wrestlemania. Murray breaks it to him: It’s not that kind of wrestling.

“I’m gonna walk down this line and punch everyone in the face,” Erica says, confronted with the costumed Star Wars hordes waiting for tickets. Prodding by her adorkable little brother soon loosens her up.

Murray wants Barry to lie to Bev, which certainly can’t end well. After an absurd hashing out of the lie details — involving Barry flying imaginary helicopters that are dropping rice on some unfortunate developing nation — Pops chimes in that Barry should tell his mom that he’s won a part in the school play. It still won’t end well. Bev shows up and Barry immediately blurts out that he joined the wrestling team. When she freaks, as expected, Murray steps up with the save: Tell her what you’re really doing. He says “play,” and Bev spews mom love all over him. She’s gonna be right by his side as he takes on the role of Daddy Warbucks in Annie. Oh, no, no, no, says Barry. If she comes to even one rehearsal, he’s going to quit. Fine, but she’s putting on her legwarmers to show him some moves.

Three hours into the ticket wait, Erica bails to hang with her friends when Adam goes to the bathroom. It sounds a lot worse than how events actually transpire, but yeah, she ditched her little brother in a line full of 40-something-year-old, costumed sci-fi dweebs — which, on the scale of creepy, are really only about a 2 out of 10. When Adam returns, however, he finds out that at least one of the super-dorks is also a super-douche who won’t let him back in line. I say: Punch him in the tauntaun teat.

In wrestling, coach breaks it to Barry that this isn’t the WWF — he can’t bash his opponent’s brains in with a metal folding chair. Considerably worse, however, are his Annie rehearsals with Bev. Later, when Bev uncovers the lie while volunteering to be on the production team for the musical that Barry isn’t in, she confronts him. Barry: I’m a grown man, and I can wrestle if I want to!

When Erica returns home and starts chastising Adam for leaving the line, he barks back that she left first. And now she’s ruined Star Wars for him. He then stupidly rips a collectible Vader poster in half. He consoles himself by playing video games until Princess Leia arrives (Erica with Cinnabon earmuffs) with news of special arrangements (a date) she made with the theater manager to sneak them in on opening day.

As Barry steps up for his first wrestling match, his mother steps in front of him. She won’t have him live his life as a head! (Something about some guy who once lost a match and all that was left was head.) Murray has to pull her off of Barry, as she dominates him on the mat. In the locker room, Murray shouts down an argument between mother and son, pointing out that Bev has just made her son a laughingstock in front of the entire school. The only way to fix it, says Murray, is for Barry to go back out there and decimate his opponent.

In the end, Barry proves his wrestling prowess (though Lexy still thinks he’s a dorkasaurus), while Erica earns the eternal gratitude of her baby brother.

’80s music watch (in which I note the show’s aural indulgences): Europe, “Final Countdown”

The Goldbergs, rated TV-PG, airs Tuesdays at 9/8 C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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