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'Nurse Jackie' recap: Phallic representation

Season 6 | Episode 3 | “Super Greens” | Aired Apr 27, 2014 

Forget addiction — the male reproductive organ just took center stage on Nurse Jackie. The penis-centric April 27 episode packed a punch (unless your name happens to be Dr. Cooper, that is), and almost overshadowed the meatiest storyline: the continued down-spiral of Jackie’s older daughter.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with Jackie’s insolent, hateful and spiteful daughter, Grace (three synonyms for a different word that I refrained from using). This episode of Nurse Jackie begins with Jackie discovering that Grace has taken the scissors to her hair and given herself bangs. “What? It’s a haircut, it’s not like a cry for help,” Grace spits at her mother. Huh. The spiteful tone and the “F-you” Vine video you made of yourself doing it beg to differ (no matter how cute your new ‘do is). Jackie (once again) feels like she’s out of touch with her daughter and bemoans the fact to her boyfriend, Frank, who surprisingly is still sticking around. There’s really only one thing that can make Jackie feel better. She meets her dealer (and former ho-down partner) in his car and reloads with a new baggie of pills. Nothing like some Oxycontin to make a girl forget a bad haircut.

But back to the penises. Zoey, Dr. Prentiss and Jackie interrupt a disgruntled patient spray-painting a wall with a phallic message for Dr. Prentiss (misspelling the doctor’s name but making up for it in artistic skills). Zoey is unfazed (as usual) and takes it as a sign that her new boyfriend should have a better bedside manner and be nicer to his patients. They tell Akalitus, who tries to power-wash it off to no avail. So she fixes it. By adding an ‘s.’

That's better.

That’s better.

Coop’s penis takes the stage when he gets a call from the fertility clinic and doesn’t get the news he’s expecting. Seems his swimmers aren’t quite up to snuff. In fact, they’re not even considered “bargain sperm,” and the clinic tells him it’s the end of the line for him (pun intended). Coop is distraught, and his ego is deflated.

Eddie, catching Coop after he received the bad news: Why are you walking like Charlie Brown?
Coop: Because Charlie Brown has a higher sperm count than me.

Frank shows up at the hospital with bad news: Grace has been arrested for shoplifting (see main photo at top for Jackie’s immediate, Are you kidding me? reaction). Listen, I don’t advocate using drugs to help you cope, but I have to say that with every episode, Grace’s behavior is proving itself to be quite the motivation. When Jackie and ex-husband Kevin get to the police station and confront their contemptuous daughter, whose crime was ditching school to get her hair cut and stealing hair products from the salon, Grace drops the bombshell that Kevin is newly engaged. Jackie takes a moment — and a handful of pills in a bathroom stall — to process that development, then returns to calmly lay down the law: Grace is not to have a phone or a wallet, or go anywhere, without an adult for the rest of her life. OK, she doesn’t actually add that last part, but I totally would have.

NJcSeems Jackie is a bit more despondent over the news of Kevin’s new fiancée than she lets on. She runs to her new sponsor, Antoinette, who gives Jackie her usual blunt advice about being vulnerable and tells her “not to make any big decisions today.” Spoiler alert: She does (stay tuned). Because Jackie is lying to her sponsor about being clean, I’m confused as to the role Antoinette is playing in Jackie’s life right now. Is she just a sounding board? An ear to bend when Jackie feels like using, which she ends up doing anyway?

Coop’s bad day keeps getting worse when Carrie makes an impression on a new admit to the ER (local NY1 news anchor Pat Kiernan, playing himself). When she orders a test for Lyme disease after Coop dismisses him, Kiernan suggests she appear on TV doing medical segments. Akalitus reluctantly gives Carrie the green light, and Coop is clearly jealous: “That should’ve been me. That would have made up for the millions of sperm lost.”

Screenshot 2014-04-25 13.40.26

Meanwhile, All Saints has diagnosed its sixth case of bacterial meningitis, and Zoey wants to take action. Thor explains that they can’t report the cases because the CDC doesn’t want to cause alarm. Zoey decides she should go to The Cock — a rock-and-sleaze gay bar and a plot point that further proves my phallic representation title — to vaccinate. Thor assures Zoey that she doesn’t belong there. Zoey, being Zoey, doesn’t care and declares that she’s going, to which Thor sighs and concedes, but she needs to “wear scrubs, hot shoes and eyeliner.” Because obviously.

Later, Prentiss joins her at The Cock to help vaccinate the patrons, pass out ring pops and — proving he’s working on his bedside manner — bust a move on the dance floor.

And Jackie’s big decision?

She gets a dog. Not just any dog, but a “35-year-old” arthritic dog that requires medication. For a gal who works a self-professed 70 hours a week and is stretched thin with family issues and hiding her addiction from every person in her life, it seems like a questionable decision. Let’s just hope the dog doesn’t figure out how to use scissors.

What role do you think Antoinette is really playing in Jackie’s life? How would you handle Grace’s behavior? And what do you really think about her new bangs? Let me know in the comments below!

Read more of Michelle’s posts at You’re My Favorite Today.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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