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'Hart of Dixie' recap: Stand by your man

Season 3 | Episode 19 | “A Better Man” | Aired Apr 25, 2014

The men of BlueBell are a determined bunch. Each one is on a quest to conquer certain roadblocks that have suddenly popped up in their lives. Wade makes a romantic gesture. Lavon challenges the Belles. George uses alcohol to drown out visions of Lemon. And Brick foxtrots. But he’s not the only one dancing. More on that later.

I’m immediately concerned for Wade when he encounters a raccoon as he impatiently waits for Vivian to return his call. He leaves yet another message on her voice mail, and I become more nervous because I’ve always been told that raccoons are nocturnal and if you see one in the daytime, it’s probably rabid and you should run. I’m not sure I can handle Wade having rabies at this point in the season.

Do you know what else I can’t handle? Zoe’s weird earrings that seem to leap off her earlobes, but that’s neither here nor there. Wade is sure Vivian’s ex-husband Charles is back in the picture, and he wants Zoe to do a little reconnaissance. Zoe assures Wade that he is just being paranoid, but is highly disappointed when her cousin shares that Charles is indeed majorly in it to re-win it. Naturally she makes Zoe promise not to say a word.

The next morning, Zoe is sneaking out of her house to go to work when Wade drops from a tree above. Don’t ask my why this was so hot, but it was. Trust me. Zoe does her best to avoid Wade all day, but the jig is up when Annabeth tells him that there has been a major medical emergency involving an anaconda that has Dr. Hart’s full attention. I guess saying that she was delivering a baby was just too far-fetched for BlueBell.

Zoe finally caves and agrees to “not say a word” by using a blinking code. One blink for no and two blinks for yes.

Wade: Was I right about Charles getting close to Vivian?
[Two blinks]

Wade: Is she considering getting back with him?
[Two blinks]

Wade: Doc, do you have something in your eye?
[One blink]

Instead of drowning his sorrows at the Rammer Jammer, he takes off to Vivian’s house. At that exact moment, a rainstorm blows through the neighborhood, soaking his denim shirt and depositing just the right amount of moisture to his hair, as if straight from the shower. He knocks. She answers. And he vows that he will not stand by and let Charles take her away from him. Then they share a kiss, while I check Google to see if Wilson Bethel and Lauren Bittner are related in real life since they have zero chemistry.

This is how you kiss in a doorway with the rain falling:

Okay. That’s how you almost kiss in a doorway with the rain falling.

The next morning, Wade tells Zoe that his night was magical and just like “one of those movies you love.” Zoe is happy for Wade and asks when Vivian is going to break the news to Charles. Spoiler: Vivian never actually said that she was choosing Wade. He asks Zoe to put in a good word for him, just to make sure.

Zoe knocks on Vivian’s door. She answers. She confirms that the night was the most romantic thing ever, but NEWSFLASH — Charles got a job offer in Baton Rouge and wants to move the family to start fresh. Then they made out.

Well, that’s one way to rip off the Band-Aid. I’ll miss her like I miss Joel. Bye, Viv!

Meanwhile, Harley falls off the jungle gym, and Zoe and Vivian race to the hospital. I wish Zoe had raced home to change that horrific red pantsuit, but THERE’S NO TIME! Charles comes rushing in and everyone hugs the kid with the sprained appendage and laughs over his bleeding chin, bribing him with a box of sympathy donuts. These three deserve to be together.

Zoe finds Wade moodily playing his guitar at his house. I keep a keen eye out for the raccoon. She tells him that Harley fell but he’s fine, and Wade jumps up to comfort the child of the woman he loves. Zoe breaks the news about the family moving, because she feels it should come from a good friend. Wade is not a happy camper.

The next day he arrives at Vivian’s house. He knocks. She does not answer. Zoe does. She explains that Charles and Vivian went away for the weekend to find houses in Baton Rouge. Wade blames Zoe for not fighting harder for him. I prayed for a spark between my favorite couple, but Wade was more irritated than anything. I trust things would have turned out differently had a rainstorm blown through at that exact moment. Here’s hoping they are setting up a Zade reunion in the near future!

Wade’s not the only one frustrated with the women in his life. Lavon is sure that the OWLS men’s club will want to cancel the annual Mayoral Toast and Roast since he lost the bid for the county fair and recently made a fool of himself on Annabeth’s front porch. The OWLS share war stories of how various women in their lives have made them do stupid things. A bro code is hooted and all is forgiven. The show must go on!

Except the show includes the Belles, who are totally Team AB, and by the power of hot pink wardrobe uniformity, all refuse to participate in Mayor Hayes’ special day. In fact, Annabeth is going to have a showcase of her own on the same night just to spite him! To the costume closet, ladies!

TScreen shot 2014-04-25 at 7.28.25 PMhe Belles throw together a prissy little jazz number to Katy Perry’s “Roar,” while the OWLS jauntily dance around to “Brotherhood of Man” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The fact that it was a mash-up was unfortunate. The endeavor was as odd as it sounds, and no words can describe my viewing experience, mainly because I was hiding behind my couch cushion out of embarrassment. More rainy Wade, please.

 

To make matters worse, Tom Long is the only person in BlueBell who knows how to run the lighting board. Clearly he can’t be in two places at once, which makes him extremely stressed. And this is not the time of the month for Tom to be stressed, because he’s in baby-making mode with Wanda. For some reason, Annabeth, Brick and Lavon all enter into the boudoir to help calm him down (gross), and we are treated to a regrettable angle from the end of the bed that gives us a clear view of Tom Long’s crotch region. Perhaps I should move quickly through this part? Tom is left to “perform” in his own way that night. As a result, the OWLS and Belles do not. They must live to dance another day. You’re welcome.

Over at Fancie’s, Lemon is all in a tizzy because the restaurant received an A- on its health inspection. She is convinced that an apple pie will help raise the grade, but when she goes to deliver it, she finds Health Inspector May distraught. Her ballroom dance partner tore a ligament and her dreams have been shattered.

Lemon beseeches her father to help Inspector May dance her way out of the blues. He claims that he is very busy, prompting Lemon to remind him that he “spent the entire weekend listening to Don Todd’s biography on tape.” So much is wonderful about that sentence, yet I find the fact that digital media hasn’t yet reached BlueBell is the most charming of all. You know Brick listened to that biography on a Jambox. I love it.

When Inspector May arrives, Brick foxtrots her all around the room, while visions of a perfect score dance in Lemon’s head. A phone call interrupts the box step, Brick learns that he must leave for a medical emergency [read: Tom … gross] and Inspector May’s spirits begin to deflate. Lemon takes matters into her own hands, suits up and takes Inspector May to seventh place in her dance competition. What better way to celebrate than an impromptu health inspection at midnight?

Lemon receives a glowing report until strange noises are heard coming from the kitchen. I know what you’re thinking, and, no, it wasn’t the raccoon. (Is the raccoon the new Burt Reynolds?) It was an entirely different animal. You see, George was set up with a Sunday school teacher who likes the taste of tequila and the artistic advantages of whipped cream in a can. Both were each other’s canvas, if you catch my drift. Insert your own Varsity Blues joke here. Needless to say, this sticky scenario is frowned upon when it comes to health inspections, no matter how great you did at the community ballroom dance championship. Letter grade? C.

Screen shot 2014-04-25 at 7.27.10 PM

QUAINT QUIPS
Zoe: She did say she was going to talk to Charles, right?
Wade: Not in so many words, but it was implied by her lack of clothing.

Lavon: Maybe our legs won’t look as good in the cancan line as the Belles’, but we’ve got something else.
Wally: It’s going to be that kind of show? Like a Full Monty type thing?

Inspector May: I didn’t want to win. I just wanted to compete. Like that character in that movie who just wants to dance.
Lemon: Black Swan? The Company? Step Up? Shall We Dance? Step Up 2? Dance With Me? Strictly Ballroom? Silver Linings Playbook?

What did you think about “A Better Man?” Will Wade stay angry at Zoe? Is Vivian gone for good? Do you get Scott Porter and James Van Der Beek mixed up like I do? Sound off in the comment section!

For more of my rambling musings, visit my website at I Hate Green Beans.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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class="article content body clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile " data-tracking-zone="bottom-recirc" > <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component" data-tracking-zone=outbrain-bottom> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <div id="ad-728x90_FT_td_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper desktop-ad tablet-ad " data-dimensions="728x90" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div id="ad-300x250_FT_m_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper mobile-ad " data-dimensions="300x250" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxupdatecorrelator="true" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" 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