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‘Dance Moms’ recap: Reunions and recriminations

Season 4 | Episode 17 | “Seeing Red “ | Aired Apr 22, 2014

Last week on Dance Moms: We closed out the midseason finale with a new team, a crazy-eyed Kira and a meltdown from Christy with a “y.” Now we get to enjoy the reunion special in all its dysfunctional glory (I’ll be including a LOT of pictures, because words alone can’t do this episode justice).

We open with Jeff Collins, the executive producer of Dance Moms, looking excited and frightened all at the same time. Jeff notes that tonight’s theme is seeing red, because Abby has the moms seeing red this season (y’all, we’re only two minutes in, and I can already tell this Jeff is a pot-stirrer).

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Jeff indelicately asks Abby about burying her mother, trying to drudge up some painful emotions (I told you he was a pot-stirrer!). Abby explains that her mother was buried in Florida along with her father’s ashes and Broadway Baby. Let me repeat: Broadway Baby, the dearly departed pet Abby had stuffed and mounted, is now buried with her mother. Just take a moment to process that information.

Jeff probes Abby about the Kelly incident, bringing a tense Christi onstage and keeping Abby and Christi as far apart as possible. Christi attempts to defend Kelly, but Abby is not having any of it. Jeff then says with a straight face, “Let’s just put a pin in that discussion right here.” Side note: Jeff loves to talk about the “Twitterverse,” doesn’t he? He is just precious.

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The kids do their Kinky Boots-inspired number, and Chloe performs the fierce “Seeing Red.” Jeff then brings up the situation when Abby lampooned Chloe and Kendall by secretly setting up Maddie and Kalani to compete against them (undermining their chances). Christi talks about Melissa’s lack of honesty, flouncing offstage in a blaze of glory once Melissa walks out. She yells at the crew, “I am done!” and refuses to walk back in until joined by Jill and Holly.

Ep17_-_Christi walkout

Everyone argues more (it’s become white noise at this point), and Maddie and Kalani perform the dance at the center of the whole controversy (it’s pretty gorgeous). Jill and Christi then switch gears and start arguing about some other event that I can’t even recall. In other news, when did Jill become the most well-coiffed mother on the show?

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Inevitably, talk turns to Costume-gate 2014, and Holly reaches an 11 on the anger scale, calling Abby out on her choice to pull Nia from the Bollywood number. This is quite possibly the most agitated we have seen Holly all season.

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Mackenzie does her sister’s hand-me-down dance, “Cry,” and Leslie makes a special appearance. She is on her best behavior throughout the rest of the special (much to my disappointment!).

Maddie performs the feisty tap solo “Game of Love,” and Cathy finally graces the group with her presence. She comes out with her claws at the ready, keeping her cool when the girls do a witch-themed dance dedicated to her. After a bit of verbal sparring, Abby bitingly announces, “Without me, she wouldn’t get a paycheck!” before metaphorically dropping the mic. Ouch. Apples out.

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Kira belatedly joins the moms, pulling a total Pollyanna and saying her time with the group has been great so far (inspiring a bit of subtle side-eye from Holly).

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Abby and Christi bicker some more, calling each other uneducated and making it clear that the hate is real. A peaked-looking Jeff then wraps the reunion up with a glittery bow, recommending that viewers tune in to see what happens next before leaving to search for meaning in his bottle of whiskey.

Wow, that was quite the roller-coaster ride. I think the audience’s kaleidoscope of human emotions says it all.

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What were your thoughts on the reunion? Was Jill the best dressed? Were you disappointed by the absence of Christy with a “y?” Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Oh, and here’s something just for fun.

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TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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