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'Nurse Jackie' recap: Ho-down

Season 6 | Episode 2 | “Pillgrimage” | Aired Apr 20, 2014

When you’re a relapsed addict whose dealer gets busted and you can’t let anyone in your life know you’ve relapsed, how do you get your drugs?

A. By stealing your colleague’s DEA number and calling in false prescriptions
B. By seducing a pharmacist
C. By finding a dealer at an underground square dance (because, obviously)
D. All of the above

If you’re nurse Jackie Peyton (Edie Falco)? Your answer is D, for duh.

Ex-husband Kevin (Dominic Fumusa) brings the kids to the house so teenage daughter Grace (Ruby Jerins) can pick up her birth certificate. Jackie, thinking Grace needs it to get her driver’s permit, is shocked to find out Grace is planning on spending the summer in France interning at a perfume lab. (I know. Random. Just go with it.) When Jackie balks and tells her they’ll need to discuss it, Grace gives her mother her usual go-to-hell look and says she’s going. Kevin suggests Jackie come to the bar to discuss it later, but Jackie avoids the situation and lies about a date she has with her boyfriend, Frank (Adam Ferrara). When Kevin and the kids leave and Frank goes to take a shower, Jackie pops the first pills of the episode.

Later, Jackie calls her recently busted dealer and tries to score, with no luck. After overhearing Dr. Roman (Betty Gilpin) give a pharmacist her DEA number on the phone, Jackie calls in a prescription for Oxycontin using Dr. Roman’s number. When she tries to pick it up (using a fake ID), the pharmacist tells her there’s a mandatory 24-hour wait for Oxy, but that (wink, wink) he might be able to (nudge, nudge) help her pain go away with a massage (vomit, vomit). Jackie gives him a coy grin and softly grabs his fingers as she leans in and almost goes there. Thankfully she comes to her senses and beelines to a meeting with her new (barely legit) sponsor, the sassy, southern Antoinette (Julie White), who laughs and tells Jackie, “I once blew a guy for a daiquiri.” Aw, it’s good to have girlfriends who understand.


In other news, Dr. Cooper (Peter Facinelli) appears to finally be out from under the spell of resident simpleton-slash-seductress Dr. Roman, and is setting up a profile on a dating website with Thor’s (Stephen Wallum) help. When the only response he gets is from a sperm scout who wants to recruit him, Coop agrees to send in his samples. Dr. Roman offers her very special (and as we know, very successful) assistance, but is surprisingly denied by Coop, who tells her that now that he’s nearing 40, he needs more from her than just sex. (That sound you hear is about 10,000 men all across America screaming obscenities at Coop.)


Later that night, Frank takes Jackie to an underground square-dancing club. OK, I’m not entirely sure it was an underground club, but since they get there by walking down a deserted street and enter an unmarked, industrial-looking door that leads them down into a large room full of about 150 people square dancing and a stage with a full band and square-dance caller, I’m making an educated guess. Plus? Square dancing. No matter how much fun it looks and how much I suddenly wish I’d have listened during fourth-grade gym class, it has a certain unfortunate stigma that might necessitate it going underground in NYC. Despite her initial hesitation, Jackie lets loose and is having fun. While in the midst of an allemande left and a do-si-do, she spies a drug deal going down across the dance floor (and now the “underground” part is making a different kind of sense). While Frank goes to get a drink, Jackie approaches the dealer, and they find a deserted bathroom to do a few lines together, as well as something else that gives the episode the title I gave it. Let’s just say Jackie took her hoedown off the dance floor and onto the filthy bathroom counter, and leave it at that.

Other things happening around All Saints:

Dr. Roman speaks Ukrainian. Fluently. The randomness and total incongruity of this development is something I find fabulous, as does Coop.

Dr. Prentiss (Morris Chestnut) and Akalitus (Anna Deavere Smith) find common ground with their appreciation for Akalitus’ new “penis car” (’65 Mustang), and Prentiss agrees to fix the hospital’s PA system so she doesn’t have to sell it to fund a repair.

Zoey (Merritt Wever) is fed up because all she and new boyfriend Dr. Prentiss do is “talk about their work and have sex.” She just wants to go out to dinner already! (“Dinner is overrated!” I yell at my TV.)

How do you feel about Jackie using again? Does it make her an unsympathetic character for you, especially since she came so far in season 5 and had started to fix the mess her addiction had made in the prior years? Or do you see her addiction as something that is out of her control? Let me know what you think in the comments below.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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