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'House Hunters': Ooooh oooh, that smell!

Craig and Dana are moving from Boston to the Deep South of Birmingham, Alabama. Anyone who has been to the South knows things are a little different from up North, especially if you’re afraid of bugs and creepy critters. Not only can Dana tick that box off on her checklist of phobias, but she’s a bit of a germaphobe with a supremely keen sense of smell.

Let the good times roll!

It’s easy to let the show do the talking for you when you come across someone as fun as Dana. She’s squeamish and makes up her own words along the way to share how she feels about the inconveniences she encounters. As someone who cannot put my hand under a couch cushion for fear of the crumblies under there (gag) or touching a banana sticker, I understand phobias. Dana’s really aren’t that odd, but they make for a darn fine episode of House Hunters!

Her ideal house would be a new build without the germs of former dwellers, but she soon learns that even new houses have their issues. Let’s take a look and let Dana do a lot of the talking!


While Craig and Dana have very similar wish lists (shocking to find a couple that has done some thinking prior to engaging with the show!), the one thing she prefers is a home close to Birmingham and the city life, because in the country she’d be scared. “Creepy animals try to creep in our house? I don’t know what’s out there,” Dana shares. “And actually more bugs, too. And snakes! I’m wicked scared of snakes. And there’s a poisonous one here, I hear.” Dana also learns they’re headed to a tornado-prone area, and she wants a place they’ll be safe. Oh, Dana. You’re going to love Birmingham!


In the first house, they’re greeted with some of her favorite things. They’re in the “boonies” in the “supersize hobbit house.” The first thing Dana sees upon entry? Spiderwebs. Then one of their inhabitants, dozing in the window. “We can name it! We’ve got our first pet,” laughs Craig. Dana wants to know why it’s so big. Craig promises that if they get the house, the first thing they’ll do is get an exterminator.


Up next comes the stank — Dana smells a very strong, syrupy smell under the kitchen counter. It’s not cat pee, so things could be worse, right? Still. She’s a little freaked out now that her nose knows others have been in the house. Realtor Pat Lynch suggests they get some pancakes to clean up that maple syrup. Oh, he’s a funny one!

The backyard is stunning — to pretty much everyone in the world but Dana. “Woods equals bugs, and maybe even snakes. I hate snakes.”


The second house brings its own special delicacies, riding in on the master bath fixtures. For a germaphobe with a nose like a bloodhound, Dana isn’t afraid to touch things. When she picks up the shower nozzle and holds it to her face like a telephone, she’s immediately assaulted with the scent of it, kind of like old money. The reaction? “BIOHAZARD, BIOHAZARD!” Craig plays along with his wife and rushes her to the sink.


What about that new house without germs? In recent years they’ve stopped building upon basements, something that concerns Dana greatly. “This house smells like brand-new awesomeness,” Dana enthuses upon entry. The house, however, is built on a slab. When asked where they go when there’s a tornado, Pat suggests an interior room or closet or … digging a hole, something Dana pretends to do with gusto as her dreams of living in new construction sail out the window.


They wind up choosing the first house, even with its uninvited guests and woods. While enjoying their new backyard, Dana makes sure to cover up the furniture because she “doesn’t know what schmutz is in this chair.” Neither do we, Dana!


The best of the rest of the House Hunters quotes:

“And I smell like there could have been a dog living in here, maybe?” — Dana

0416-5“This looks like we’re in Congress or something, ya know?” — Craig

“The mirror and the whole look of it … It’s just screaming ‘a couple decades ago’” — Craig

“It feels like I’m in a bad ’80s movie.” — Dana

0416-6“Hello, toilet! Toilet up in my face!” — Dana

“And brand-new carpet, with no schmutz!” — Dana

“Tornadoes coming, tornadoes coming! Dig that hole!” — Dana

“Are we gonna have to have this whole area screened in? Do you want us in a bubble?” — Craig

“I know there still will be bugs, but I have our exterminator’s phone number on speed dial, so any bug I see, I’m gonna call him right up.” — Dana

Would you let an old-house smell influence your buying choices? What about the pesky, uninvited guests? Chat about it in the comments!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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